


All The Things I Should've Said

by The_Shipper_Of_Heart



Series: All The Things I Should've Said [1]
Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: 90s Snufkin canon does tarot readings at least in one episode, Angst, Drama, Dreams, Friends to Lovers, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, Little My isnt as much of a gremlin as she usually is, M/M, Nightmares, Pining, Sacrifice, She goes into big sister mode, Slow Burn, Snufkin's got the anxiety, Somebody dies, Tarot Cards, but they arent children, courting, everyones older, late teens, maybe little my is by now, possible arranged marriages, relationships, snufkin and moomin and the others arent adults exactly, so he does them now, so like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-01-27 11:17:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21391267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Shipper_Of_Heart/pseuds/The_Shipper_Of_Heart
Summary: Moomin is beside himself when Snufkin leaves one Autumn without as much as a goodbye.  He usually leaves at the first snowfall once Moomin goes to hibernate- but the cold hasn't settled in yet.(please forgive the title, I'm bad at those)
Relationships: Muminmamman | Moominmamma/Muminpappan | Moominpappa (background), Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin, Mymlans dotter | The Mymble’s Daughter/Too-ticki | Too-Ticky (mentioned)
Series: All The Things I Should've Said [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626274
Comments: 51
Kudos: 157





	1. Chapter 1

“Snufkin! Snuufkiin!” Moomin called from his window. It was a lovely Autumn day. Leaves still clung onto the branches, and the only chill was from the occasional breeze, even then the breezes felt quite warm and brought in the smells of the season. Moomin was too excited to see his best friend. Another warm day was another day Snufkin stayed in the valley. Moomin climbed down the ladder from his window, falling the last couple of steps like he always did, and ran to where Snufkin’s tent was pitched, waving to his friends on the veranda. He could hear them trying to say something, but it was all a muffled mess as he thought about what he and his best friend would do that day. As Moomin got closer, he finally noticed something and screeched to a halt. Waiting for him was nothing. No tent, no Snufkin. Moomin stood there for a minute as things processed in his mind. “...Snufkin?” Perhaps that’s what the others were trying to tell him as he left his room- Snufkin wasn’t there.

Moomin quietly sat in the spot where Snufkin’s tent had been since the start of Spring. This was always_ exactly_ where the tent was- several feet from the bridge leading up to Moomin’s house, the tent angled so it was directly facing the window to Moomin’s room. He wasn’t sure why, but Snufkin had left earlier than usual without a word. He knew Snufkin would leave after the first snowfall to warmer areas, but the snow hadn’t yet fallen. In fact, it was still quite warm in Moomin Valley for autumn. But here Moomintroll was, sitting in worn spot where his best friend’s tent was supposed to be. Perhaps Snufkin was worried the valley would get cold overnight when he was unprepared. But, Snufkin seemed prepared for anything. Even if he thought the weather would get cold, he’d make a point to let Moomin know in some way or another. Moomin was constantly trying to get him to stay in his house with him, Moominmamma, Moominpappa, and Little My, but his best friend always politely declined the offer, preferring to live outside. Moomin tried that a few times, but he was so used to his warm room and soft bed, he wouldn’t last. Though, when he was with Snufkin, he managed to last the night. Something about Snufkin made him feel safe- a feeling he only seemed to have in his room, or in the safety and comfort of his mama and papa.

Moomintroll sighed as he pet what little grass remained in the spot “Oh Snufkin…” he said to himself. “Why did you leave without saying anything?” There had to be something wrong- Snufkin always told him before he was leaving, or they would have some sort of goodbye before he left, with a promise to return in the Spring. Not even a letter sat in the mailbox explaining. Moomin was only left pondering. They didn't fight, Moomin didn’t recall saying anything harsh to him, if Snufkin had a problem with someone in the valley, he’d talk to Moomin about it or at least try to be civil about making amends. Perhaps there was a mishap with the park keeper, though that usually resulted in getting the police involved. If they couldn’t find Snufkin, they’d go right to the Moomin House, no matter the time of day.

While Moomin sat by himself, his friends watched him from the veranda of the Moomin house quietly. That is, everyone but Little My was quiet.

“Is he _STILL_ moping over Snufkin?” Little My asked, laying on the bench while Snorkmaiden and Sniff watched over Moomin. “He’s not going to sit there until Spring...Actually, maybe he will.” Little My smirked. “In that case, I get his room to sleep in during hibernation.”

“Oh, will you hush already!” Snorkmaiden snapped to the small one. “He hasn’t been there THAT long!” She couldn’t bear to see Moomin this way, knowing she was unable to do anything to make him happy. Snorkmaiden was quite jealous of Snufkin- no matter what she did to get Moomin’s attention, he’d always get distracted once Snufkin was around. She wished Moomin pined over her the way he did for his friend. When Spring would come, Moomin was the first thing on her mind when she awoke. All Snorkmaiden wanted was for him to return that affection rather than awake and his first thoughts being of Snufkin. Hopefully though, she wouldn’t have to worry about such things. They both were getting to the age that their kinds usually were courting. They both weren’t considered adults just yet, but they were well beyond the title of “children”. She hoped by next year, she and Moomin would officially be courted. Every time she tried to drop hints, Moomin got flustered and tried to change the subject. Snorkmaiden assumed he was just too shy to ask her, so she was secretly working with Moominmamma and Moominpappa to help guide him down the path.

Sniff walked around the veranda. “Maybe Snufkin just left for supplies. I’m sure he’ll be back.” He tried to remain optimistic for his friend. Whatever Moomintroll felt seemed to rub off on his friends. If he was happy, nobody could help but be happy with him. If he was sad, they shared his hurt-even if whatever made Moomintroll sad didn’t affect them.

“But he doesn’t pack everything up and leave without a word just for supplies.” Little My responded. She seemed very unphased by the matter, but deep down she did worry for Moomin. She even worried for Snufkin, as it was unlike him to just pack up without coming by the house to announce his departure. Even if he couldn’t face Moomin to say goodbye, he would let somebody know. And as far as she knew, nobody in the valley had seen Snufkin leave.  
—-  
Moomin stayed in the same spot until nightfall, when Moominmamma came out with a blanket, putting it around him and helping him to his feet to bring him back inside and to his bed. She was worried for her son. Snufkin leaving always made him sad, but soon he would be asleep so his sadness was masked by dreams. However, it was not yet time to hibernate, as the weather had not turned over yet to where Moomins usually slept. This could be a year where they didn’t hibernate-those were quite rare, but there was no use sleeping if the season wasn’t so cold. There was so much to do outside in warmer weather, where the cold was only good for sleeping. She laid a hot drink and a plate of food beside Moomin’s nightstand and blew out the candle, closing the door to her son’s room as he fought to stay awake, the only light in his room was the moonlight shining through the window. He was a little hungry, having not eaten the entire day, but his stomach was in so many knots he didn’t want to attempt eating. He took a small sip of the drink Mamma had left him, guessing it be one of her remedies to help him sleep. It seemed to do the trick as soon, Moomin was asleep, thoughts of his best friend still in his mind.  
—-

Elsewhere, Snufkin walked further from the Valley. He hated to have left without notice, knowing how hurt Moomin would be. But, he had to. He felt there was no place for him there. The weather was still warm, but he couldn’t bear to stay in the valley for another day, warm or not. Only one thing kept him in the valley for most of the year, and soon that one thing would be taken from him. What good was staying somewhere if there was nothing left? He kept his head down, not really paying attention. Snufkin wasn’t sure where he was headed, but he knew for certain-it was very unlikely he’d ever go back to Moomin Valley. How could he. Perhaps he’d travel to somewhere far from the Valley, maybe take a few boats, whatever he could to get as far away as possible. Snufkin was using every bit of him to hold back tears, as he was not one to cry. As a warm breeze hit him, he was reminded of the warmth he felt around Moomin, the warmth Moomin gave off when they embraced in a hug, the warmth of his personality, the warmth he gave off in a smile…

Snufkin could no longer hold it all in. He dropped his bag and sank to his knees, beginning to sob as he was no longer in control of himself. He was feeling hurt, betrayed, sad, angry, resentful, just about every negative emotion one could feel. He couldn’t remember the last time he ever cried like this, if he ever did that is. Sure he’d shed a tear or two, but it wouldn’t result in him sobbing to the point of feeling sick. He sat with his back to a tree, his shaking paws fumbling in his pockets for his pipe and a match. Usually he’d play his harmonica to calm himself down, but these feelings were not the kind he could fix with a soft tune. Once he took a breath in with his pipe, he started to cough, it burned his dry throat and made his stomach hurt. Perhaps the pipe was not the best thing to do with a knotted stomach and a sore throat from dry heaving. Snufkin sat, putting his head down and pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut as he tried to fight back more tears. He was glad to be alone at this moment, fearing what someone would do if they saw him cry. He knew that Moomin would hate it the most.

Moomin… Just thinking of him made the Murmirk’s throat hurt as he swallowed to keep himself from breaking into another spell of sobbing, his body starting to shake. This couldn’t be healthy, he thought to himself. He sat there with his thoughts, listening to the sounds of the birds chirping and the leaves rustling with each small breeze. He could hear a small stream in the distance as he sighed, reminded of the quiet stream near his campsite. Once he was able to collect himself, he quietly picked up his harmonica and played a song. Usually his songs were sweet and calming,but this one took on a more sad sound, as he couldn’t find a reason to be happy right now.

~~~

_“Snufkin! SNUFKIN!”_

_Moomin panted hard, running as fast as he could to catch up with his friend. Every step Moomin took though, Snufkin seemed to get farther away-though Snufkin remained in one spot, back turned to him. Snufkin would glance over his shoulder to look at Moomintroll, but he didn’t seem happy, just having a stoic expression as he turned his back to Moomin once again. Moomin fought back tears as he reached for his best friend, doing all he could to get to him. But it proved pointless. Suddenly, Moomin stopped. He could no longer see Snufkin anywhere. Moomin called out for him again, with no response. The wind started to pick up as Moomin clutched around himself to keep warm. Soon the breeze was so strong, it picked Moomin up as he flew through the air. He desperately looked for Snufkin from high up, but he was nowhere to be seen. The breeze stopped as Moomin fell from high up, frightened. He fell onto a frozen lake, the ice breaking on impact as he sank into the cold water, struggling to swim up as his vision was blurred. Through the water he saw Snufkin looking down to him. Moomin reached his paw up for help, but there was nothing to grab onto._

~~~

“NOO!”

Moomin awoke as he hit the floor of his room, kicking and struggling as if he were still in the water. He sat there startled, trying to catch his breath as he gulped, the nightmare scaring him as he started to come back to reality. He looked around his room. The moonlight still shined through as his drink and the plate of food sat untouched. Moomintroll felt childish for having such a nightmare, as he recalled having similar ones when he was younger and fretted Snufkin leaving. But he was older now and knew Snufkin was always going to come back. But, he had to admit this time was different than all the others, feeling he had a right to worry. What if Snufkin didn’t leave the valley on his own free will? Perhaps something terrible happened to him and it was set up to only look like he left...Nah, even then Snufkin would’ve given off a signal for help.

Moomin opened his window and rested his shoulder on the sill, head kept up by his hands as he felt the cool night air hit him. He closed his eyes, swearing he could hear one of Snufkin’s melodies in the wind.

But he knew that wasn’t likely. He could be miles away by now.

—-

Snufkin had set up a camp as he always did. He guessed he was quite far from the valley by now, having set off in the middle of the previous night. He was quiet as he poked the fire with a stick, head rested on his free paw, elbow placed on his knee. He wasn’t tired just yet, too many thoughts were preventing his mind from resting. His harmonica sat in his tent, usually he played a song at night to match the feeling, giving anyone and anything who listened a sort of lullaby as they slept. He knew that was one of Moomin’s favorite things at night. It was Snufkin’s favorite too, knowing that if Moomintroll couldn’t sleep, a song from the harmonica would put him at ease. He thought back to that summer night from this year. The midsummer bonfire had just wrapped up as everyone went home. Moomin and Snufkin were the only two left at the dying fire. The fireflies danced around the night sky, seeming to put on a show for the two friends. Snufkin pulled out his harmonica and started to play a familiar song- Moomin’s favorite to be exact. Moomin smiled as the warmth of the fire, the fireflies show, and Snufkin’s melody started to make him drowsy. His head fell onto Snufkin’s shoulder as he closed his eyes. Snufkin noticed this and stopped, putting down his harmonica as he smiled, resting his head onto Moomin’s. He placed his paw onto Moomins. Almost as an instinct, Moomin’s paw turned upwards, so that the two friends were holding hands. Snufkin’s cheeks tinted a light pink as he smiled.

He should have told him right then and there.

But he didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11-11-19. I realized some of the italics from the Google doc didn't transfer over. I think I got them all


	2. Chapter 2

A few days passed since Snufkin’s departure. And every day, Moomin waited right at the same spot for him, telling himself he would come back. He knew there were times Snufkin needed to be alone, despite being alone every winter, but perhaps he just needed some time away. But, he wouldn’t leave on his own so close to his usual winter departure. Even when he left to be on his own, he’d let Moomin know and explain why he was leaving with a promise to come right back when he was better.

“Dear…” Moominmamma said, placing a blanket over her son’s shoulders. “Please come back inside. You’ve barely eaten a thing since Snufkin left.”

Moomin shook his head. “Sorry mamma. I have to stay here in case he comes back.”

“You can wait for him inside though. It’s much warmer inside.” Moominmamma was starting to worry for her boy. It wasn’t like him to be this upset over Snufkin. Usually, he would be sad for a day or so, but then distract himself with his other friends until the two best friends reunited. “Besides, Snorkmaiden is worrying for you. You don’t want to upset her do you?”  
  


“Snorkmaiden..?” Moomin looked over to his mother. What did Snorkmaiden have to do with this? Sure, she and Moomin were close-not as close as he and Snufkin, but still quite close. Why would Moominmamma only bring up Snorkmaiden being worried? Wouldn’t she bring up Sniff and Little My too? Perhaps it was because of the obvious pining Snorkmaiden had for Moomin. Ever since they were young, she had a crush on him. Moomin wasn’t sure of his feelings for her. He found her quite nice and lovely, but the thought of them being in a relationship made him a little uneasy. If anything were to happen between them, their friend group would surely suffer. Also, he found Snorkmaiden to be a little mean to his other friends at times, and also seeming to put her appearance over anything else. He was very aware of her feelings to him, but he had a hard time saying no to others- and she knew that well. 

“Yes of course. You know she feels quite strongly about you.” Moominmamma smiled as she sat by her son. “You know, at your age we Moomins are usually courting someone special. Your father and I were about your age when we were courting.” She looked up to see the leaves rustle in the trees, birds flying from branch to branch. “Have you considered courting anyone yet?”

“Mamma..” Moomin sighed. “I haven’t. I just...don’t know if I’ve found anyone to court. Everyone I know is just a friend.” 

“Well, isn’t there a friend you see as something _ more _ though? Your father and I were just friends before we courted.”

“But I’m not you nor am I pappa”

“I know that dear. But, courting is something to think about. We just want to see you happy.” She stood, kissing Moomintroll on the head. “Come in when you’re ready. I’ll have some food waiting for you.”

Moomin smiled as he watched his mother walk back to the house. The smile faded as he sighed, watching the path leading away from his home. The truth was, there was someone he had thought about courting. He had thought about it for quite a while now. But he wasn’t sure how they would react, how his parents would react- really, how everyone would react.

—-

Snufkin continued onwards, eyes casting up to the sky to see birds flying overhead. Times like this, he wished he could fly- it certainly seemed a lot more convenient than walking. Birds were able to fly so far in just a short amount of time. Walking on the other hand, you had to walk for so long before you could truly feel far, and walking such lengths made one exhausted, where birds seemed to fly with ease. As much as he tried not to, he kept thinking about the valley, about the scenery,

About Moomin.

“Come on Snufkin.” He said to himself. “You need to forget abou-” No. He couldn’t go that far. To want to forget about someone so dear as Moomintroll would be like wanting to forget everything that made life worth living. “You need to think of something else.” He corrected himself. He held onto the straps of his bag tighter as he walked, trying to think of something else as he kicked a rock on the path. No matter how hard he tried, his thoughts went back to him. He started to hear the voices in his head,

_ “We shall be married…” “Courtship” “Come next Spring…” “Courting” _

Snufkin covered his ears, trying to make it stop.

_ “Marriage…” “Together…” “Love” _

He held his ears tighter, eyes squeezing shut as he gritted his teeth

_ “Moominvalley..Leaving..far away together.” _

“ENOUGH!!” Snufkin finally screamed out, disturbing the silence. Birds flapped away in surprise as he panted, the voices stopping as tears streamed down. Snufkin stood there, forgetting where he was as he wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He collected himself and kept walking. It was unlike him to lose his temper in such a way. He looked ahead, the forest critters looking from their hiding spots to watch him. Almost all the critters knew of Snufkin as a gentle soul. Something truly terrible must have happened for him to be so upset.

From a knothole in a nearby tree, a small creature poked their head out, seeing Snufkin below. The tiny one’s nose twitched, head tilting at the mumrik, hopping from branch to branch quietly to follow them. 

—-

“So Snufkin is gone, hm?” The Park keeper asked, pruning their shrubs. “Good.I can get some peace for once.” Some of the shrub trimmings fell softly down, landing on Moomin as he shook off the clippings.

“When was the last time you saw him?” Moomin asked, “You didn’t have any recent conflicts, did you?”

The Park keepers climbed down from his ladder. “Well now, the last time I saw Snufkin…” He thought. “I believe was just a few weeks ago. You and him were passing by the park together. As for conflicts, he was rather good this year, I must admit. The only trouble was him taking down my signs…” The Park keeper scowled. “Again.”

“But that was months ago.” Moomin responded. So Snufkin leaving because of a conflict with the Park keeper was off the list of possibilities.

“I know.” The Park keeper brushed up the clippings. “To be honest, I think this was the one year he did the least amount of damage. Most of the times I saw him, he was with you, Moomintroll. Perhaps being with you made him not want to cause havoc.”

Moomin wasn’t sure about that. He knew there was more than one occasion Snufkin talked him into causing a little chaos. It was never anything serious- mainly burning the park signs, knocking down gates, anything that set boundaries and rules- two of the things Snufkin hated the most. But at the same time, Snufkin _ did _seem a little more respectful about such things when he was with Moomin. Sure he looked displeased with a sign, but the disapproving look would suddenly disappear when Moomin looked at him or touched his shoulder. In fact, Snufkin always seemed to look more relaxed and happy when he was with Moomintroll. He knew Snufkin liked to be alone, and wasn’t one for crowds, but he never minded being around Moomin-it was like he was the only one that Snufkin could feel comfort around. But, Moomin wasn’t entirely sure why. Of course, he felt the same about Snufkin- he felt safe around him and free to be himself. Snufkin was the one he told everything to.

Moomin left the park, crossing off the Park keeper on his list. “Let’s see, the Park keeper hasn’t seen him. Perhaps Too-Ticky or Ninny has seen him.” Moomin put away his notepad and made his way to their home. Perhaps one of them heard from Snufkin or had at least seen him.

\---

Snufkin was resting from his walking. He was contemplating on setting up camp now. It was still bright out, so there was plenty more time for walking. But the area was so nice, it wouldn’t hurt to stay for the night. He figured the sun would start to set in the next hour or so, judging from the sun’s position in the sky. Perhaps camp was the best solution. As he was setting up his tent, Snufkin had the small feeling of feeling watched. He looked around, the forest around him was as still as the wind. He lightly shrugged and continued to set up camp. He nudged his backpack on accident, some of the contents spilling out.

“Oh, fiddles” Snufkin sighed, collecting the items from the ground. His harmonica, some cookware, a bit of food. Snufkin noticed one item that had fallen out and picked it up, holding it in his palm- a ruby amulet surrounded by gold on a chain. He sat on the floor as he held it in his hands, his face reflecting in the shining gem. He closed his eyes as he leaned back against his tent, remembering when he had received it.

\---

“Snufkin! Wait” Moomin called after him. Snufkin stopped in his tracks. He was packed up and just about to leave the valley for the winter when Moomin raced after him. Moomin caught up to him, panting. “I..i need to give you something.” Snufkin turned to look at him, a small box with a bow in Moomin’s hand. “I know you don’t like to keep possessions.” Moomin continued. “But I- wanted to give this to you. It’s for your travels.” Snufkin opened the box, his eyes fixing on the amulet inside- a fine cut ruby encased in gold on a chain. Snufkin carefully removed it from the box and held it by the chain, letting it gently turn in the breeze.

“Moomin..I..” Snufkin started to say. He had never been given such a priceless and meaningful gift. Moomin shyly smiled.

“Pappa told me that rubies helped protect someone from bad luck and illness. I wanted to make sure you were safe. Also..rubies mean friendship.”

Snufkin smiled as him, placing the amulet around his neck and tucked under his scarf. “Thank you Moomin.” He smiled, nodding. “I will need all the luck and health I can get.”

Moomin looked down as the snow gently fell. “Its also so you don’t forget me. I hope you will look at it and remember our friendship.”

Snufkin blinked in shock. “Moomin,” he gently took his paw. “I would never forget someone like you. You are the dearest friend I have ever had.” The two friends locked eyes and smiled as the snow fell around them. They held the look for what felt like forever. Snufkin smiled. “I must be going..I will see you on the first day of Spring. I promise.” Snufkin and him touched foreheads as he turned back to the path and continued on his way. Moomin watching him disappear into the forest.

As he walked, Snufkin reached for the amulet, looking at it as he walked. He was well versed in what gems meant. What Moomin said was true- rubies protected against misfortunes and bad health, and also were a sign of friendship. But, he wasn’t sure if Moomin knew it-but it had one more meaning.

Love.

\---

“Snufkin?” Too-Ticky asked, pouring a cup of tea for herself, Moomin, and Ninny. “No, I haven’t seen him.” She looked over to the red-haired girl beside her. “Ninny?”

Ninny shook her head. “Sorry Moomin.” She spoke softly. “I haven’t. Isn’t it still quite warm and too early for him to have left?”

“Yes.” Moomin sighed, tracing his finger around the lip of the cup. “But his campsite is deserted, it has been for almost a week now.” He looked to the two girls. “None of the others have seen him, and there was no conflict with the Park keeper that made him leave.”

Ninny thought. “Perhaps something upset him so much, he disappeared. It’s possible.” Too-Ticky reached over and touched her hand as Ninny recalled her own past, using her free hand to touch the bell around her neck-she always wore it now in case she were to disappear again. She was sure it wouldn’t happen-being very happy and safe with Too-Ticky, and she knew she could always find comfort in Moominmamma, but what if she were to run into her Aunt again...

Moomin shook his head. “But that wouldn’t make his whole tent disappear. And I’m sure he would make his presence known somehow.” He also assumed Ninny’ case of disappearing was unique. He knew there were times Snufkin got sad, but never to a point where he wanted to disappear.

“Perhaps he just wanted to leave early, and thought you would be upset if he told you.” Too-Ticky suggested. She thought. “But, he knows you’d be even more upset if he _ didn’t _ tell you.”

Ninny chimed in. “Perhaps something happened to him, and he had to leave without saying something.”

“But Snufkin tells me everything…” Moomin pointed out.

“Maybe this was a rare case where he _ couldn’t _tell you.”

Moomin sighed as he sipped his tea, looking out the window. The sun was almost fully set. “I should be getting home. Thank you both.” Moomin set his cup back on the saucer. 

Too-Ticky nodded. “You can come by again tomorrow if you like. If we hear anything we will let you know.”

Moomin nodded-the visit with the two was actually quite nice, it seemed to keep him calm- the calmest he had felt since Snufkin left. “That sounds nice. Thank you both.” 

The two watched Moomin leave. “I don’t think Moomin realizes just how much he cares for Snufkin.” Ninny said, looking to Too-Ticky. “This doesn’t seem like a friendship worry. It seems a lot deeper.”

Too-Ticky nodded. “It’s clear he loves Snufkin. I just wonder if it's clear to him..or Snufkin for that matter.”

\---

Snufkin laid outside his tent, staring at the starry sky. His fire had almost died as the smoke continues to rise into the sky, still giving off warmth and a fading light. The amulet was safely tucked in his bag inside the tent. He wore it all that winter, but now it hurt too much to put it on, much less look at it for too long. Snufkin wasn’t ready to retire to his tent just yet, he couldn’t see the sky from inside. He reached a finger up, tracing the stars into various shapes. Trees, leaves, birds, anything that came to his mind. He was just about done tracing when he stopped himself, realizing he had been tracing Moomin’s shape. He sighed and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the night, the light crackling of the fire.

His eyes shot open when he heard some rustling nearby, sitting upright quickly. Snufkin looked around, turning his head towards another rustling sound. “Whoever’s there, come out.” Snufkin called out. He had nothing to grab in defense, but he was ready to retreat into his tent. The rustling stopped. Snufkin stared at the spot, ready to confront whatever was watching him.

“I-im sorry.” A small voice spoke from the bush. “I saw you earlier today, Snufkin. I just wanted to say hello but I- im quite shy.”

“Wait..how do you know my name?” Snufkin asked. “Come out, let me have a look at you.” This was the first conversation he had in several days, and it was with a bush- well, whatever was in the bush.

The small creature from earlier came out of the bush. It was small, brown, and furry with a white underbelly. It also looked quite familiar to Snufkin. He blinked in surprise. He hadn’t seen this creature in quite some time.

“Teety-Woo?”

The creature stood up more, smiling. “So it’s true! You DO know my papa!"


	3. Chapter 3

“Hold on,” Snufkin said, looking at the small critter. “ _ You  _ are Teey-woo’s child?”

“Yes yes!”The small voice piped. “Teety-woo is my papa! He has told me so much about you!” The small one got closer to Snufkin. “Are all of his stories true? I always wanted to meet you just so I knew for sure. I tried asking my mama before, but she didn’t know papa back then. But she always believed him!”

“Whoa whoa, slow down little one.” Snufkin told them, he couldn’t help but smile a little bit- something he hadn’t done for a while now. “I’m not entirely sure what the stories your papa told you.” He picked up a stick to poke at his fire to liven it up, just so the two could have more light. “Now, is your papa around?”

“Oh no no,” Teety-woo’s child replied. “He’s way far back. I had been following you since this morning. I was in a knothole in a tree when I heard shouting. I poked my head out to see what it was, and it was you.”

Snufkin’s mind went back to earlier, remembering the voices in his head.” Ah yes, sorry about that..Wait, you followed me from there? That must’ve been a few miles.” Snufkin didn’t want to travel backwards, but the critter still seemed young. Perhaps they were lost. Teety-woo would probably be worried.

“Oh its okay! I’m sure I can find my way back. I roam all over.”

“You must be hungry from following me all that way.” He reached into his bag, pulling out some bread and taking a piece off, handing it to the critter. “Here, take some.”

The critter took the piece in their hands. “Wow! Papa was right! You are very kind to us in the forest!” They smiled before taking nibbles of the bread. Snufkin couldn’t help but smile a bit more. He was aware that the critters of the forest spoke of him, mainly telling of his songs and how he came by every year. “Hey, why are you out here anyways?” The critter asked him. “It’s still really warm. Papa says you always leave in the winter.”

Snufkin frowned. “I.. just wanted to leave early, that is all.” He lightly shrugged, hoping to change the subject. “Nothing says I have to leave in the winter or when it’s cold. I’m not bound to stay in one place. That’s just how vagabonds are.”

“Va..Vaga..whats?”

“Vagabond. It just means someone who doesn’t have a home anywhere, they just go from place to place.”

“Oh. Well, wasn’t Moomin sad when you left? Isn’t he usually asleep when you leave so he won’t be so sad?”

“...Moomin is just fine.”

\---

But Moomin was not just fine. He tossed and turned in his sleep, having yet another nightmare of Snufkin. He sat upright in his bed, groaning and putting his face in his hands. He had barely been able to sleep since Snufkin’s absence. Why was it so easy to sleep in the winter when he was gone? Moomin knew he had to be used to this by now. Although, during the winter he knew Snufkin was safe, and made a promise to return every Spring- Moomin knew he would, but just hearing Snufkin say so brought him some peace. This time, there was no goodbye, and no promise. Moomin sat on the edge of his bed, opening his nightstand drawer and pulling out a photo of him and Snufkin from a couple years back, a small smile on his face. He picked up the photo currently occupying the nightstand- a photo of when Moomin was very young with his mamma and pappa. He exchanged the two photos, placing the family one in the drawer safely and placing the one of him and his best friend on the stand.

“If I can’t see you in person...perhaps seeing you in photos will help.” Moomin yawned, laying down facing the photo. Somehow, this brought a small calmness over him as he went back to sleep. He began to dream of the day when the photo was taken.

~~~

_ It was a spring day, just a month or so after Snufkin had come back from his winter travels. Snorkmaiden was spending the day with her brother Snork, helping him with his newest contraption. Sniff was busy trying to sell whatever to try and ‘make it rich’ as he put it, and Little My had gone off to help her eldest sister with some things as their mother, the Mymble, was ill. That left only Moomin and Snufkin free-just a day they could spend together without being bothered. Moomin cared for all of his friends, but he had always felt the closest to Snufkin, wanting to cherish each day of the year they had together before they parted for the winter. Snufkin felt the same about Moomin- out of their friends Moomin was someone he felt comfortable around. Moomin also seemed more genuine and interested in what Snufkin had to say. Moomin was also usually the kindest and quietest of the bunch. He usually would be fishing, but Moomin had asked him if he wanted to make flower crowns. Snorkmaiden would make flower crowns, but only for herself-she would tell Moomin that flowers were for girls, and tease him for wanting to wear them. Sniff would only want to make them just to sell them. Little My...well she ate flowers, then would tell Moomin he’s ‘too old’ to be picking flowers. Snufkin agreed, his hat needed some decoration anyways. _

_ The two walked to a spot in Moominvalley where flowers of all kinds bloomed. Since it was only a month into Spring, they didn’t expect many flowers to be in season- it was always best to wait until later into the season when more flowers bloomed. But, it was something the two could partake in together. Moomin enjoyed being with Snufkin for something like this- he knew all about plants and could tell what they symbolized. Moominmamma tried to teach him once, but there were so many at one time, it made his head hurt. Snufkin was more patient in teaching him, not seeming to mind the endless questions he had for each flower. Moomin was busy pondering over which flowers to pick for a crown. He already knew some of the flowers meaning off the top of his head, but making one for himself, he wasn’t really thinking of the meaning.  _

_ Moomin started to notice that Snufkin was awfully quiet. He glanced over his shoulder to see if he was there. What he saw alarmed him greatly- Snufkin was on his stomach over a very steep hillside, just a few more inches and he’d surely tumble down. Moomin forgot about his flowers and rushed over.  _

_ “Snufkin!” Moomin yelled. “What are you doing?!” _

_ Snufkin lay still, careful not to move. “There’s a certain flower down here I’d like for a crown. And the hill is much too steep to walk on” _

_ “But Snufkin! You’re going to get hurt! There’s plenty of flowers on the hill here.” Moomin pleaded with his best friend. _

_ “Yes yes, but I need this one in particular.” Snufkin was so close, all he had to do was just reach a bit more. He stretched out- but it proved to be too far as he started to slide down. He realized his mistake and tried to back up, but all he did was fall forwards. _

_ “SNUFKIN!!” _

_ Moomin grabbed his hand, but he lost his footing and the two tumbled down the hillside. Luckily, the hill was mainly grass instead of jagged and sharp rocks, so the fall was mainly soft as they altered between sliding and tumbling. Each time one tried to get a grip onto the hill to stop themselves, the other’s hand would slip from theirs, so they gave up to make sure the other didn’t fall alone. After a minute of so of tumbling, they finally came to a rest on the flat land below. They both laid there, groaning and dizzy. Moomin was the first to get his bearings back, but all that was on his mind was Snufkin. _

_ “Snufkin? Are you hurt?” _

_ Snufkin was quiet for a moment, then he started to laugh. Moomin was concerned for him, but his laughter was just so contagious he began to laugh too, realizing how silly they must have looked tumbling down like that. They continued to laugh for a bit more, both of them slowly realizing they were holding the other’s hand still. The two looked at one another and looked away, taking back their hand as their cheeks turned a light pink. _

_ ~~~ _

The memory faded early as Moomin’s eyes peeked open, smiling at the photo in front of him.

This would help just fine. For now. Hopefully he would dream more of that memory.

\---

“Look, it’s gotten quite dark out now.” Snufkin said to the small critter, the fire starting to die back down. “I have more traveling to do in the morning. Are you able to find your way back home?”

“Oh I’m sorry!” Teety-Woo’s child exclaimed, a look of worry on their face. “I didn’t mean to keep you up so long. But don’t worry about me! I usually venture from home for a couple days, but I always go back! Mama and Papa don’t worry too much- they know I’m okay.”

Snufkin stayed quiet as he gathered his things into his bag, getting ready to retire to his tent. “Sometimes I wished to know that feeling.” He said quietly.

“What?”

“Nothing, little one. Goodnight.” Snufkin zipped up his tent behind him and laid down, thoughts flooding his mind. Sure, he knew the feeling of being gone and worried about by others. He had it in Moominvalley. But he wished for it in a way the small critter had it- with parents.

Snufkin sat back up, realizing he never got the critter’s name. He poked his head out of the tent. “Little one, I didn’t get your-” Teety Woo’s child was gone. “...name.” Snufkin finished as he closed the tent back up and laid down once more. Drowsiness soon got the best of him as he fell asleep. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t help but dream of Moomin. He had been every night since his decision to leave.

Moomin was in a lot of his dreams, even when he was on good terms with the valley. 

Elsewhere, Teety-Woo’s child slept in a nearby vacant knothole. It was an exciting day for sure- they had met Snufkin in person! Once they returned home, they knew their papa would be just as excited. Perhaps they could talk Snufkin into coming by for a visit...even though that was in the opposite direction he seemed to be going. Perhaps he could bring Moomin by as well, and his other friends the forest critters talked about. Moominvalley was a few days travel away from here, so there would probably be some trouble getting here and back often. But, one could hope.They started to wonder about the other friends Snufkin had. They all must have been sad he left- their Papa said that the one named Moomintroll got the saddest, since they were the best of friends. But he probably knew Snufkin had to leave and was just fine, like Snufkin said. He wouldn’t just leave without notice and leave his friends in worry. He wasn’t like that.

...right? 


	4. Chapter 4

Two weeks had passed since Snufkin left the valley. Everyone seemed to carry on with their lives though, as winter would soon be arriving, and that meant hibernation preparation was in order. There was no extreme rush, as the weather was still warm, but it didn’t hurt to be prepared as the older residents of the valley would say. Sniff was trying to sell off “Hibernation kits” to help some of the first-time hibernaters get ready- he hadn’t sold a single one yet, but he had a feeling someone would want one.

Moomin was slowly getting back to how he was before-not fully, but progress was progress. He no longer sat at the spot everyday waiting for Snufkin. He tried to keep busy with his friends on explorations, he visited Too-Ticky and Ninny almost every day, whatever he could to keep himself and his mind busy. Snorkmaiden kept asking him to have picnics together and doing romantic-leaning things, to which Moomin was just pulled along to do. She took full advantage of his troubles saying no. Of course he would say it, but when he knew that a no would truly hurt someone’s feelings, he had a hard time getting the simple word out. The activities were mainly driven by Snorkmaiden- her favorite spots, picking her favorite flowers (in Moomin’s case, only watching her pick them and help her decorate her head and hair with them) mainly things that meant something to her or reminded her of them, while Moomin was a bit bored. He liked her company, but he had his limits of how much he could see someone, When they were younger, of course he enjoyed her company and didn’t mind playing with her and spending time with Snorkmaiden. But even as a child he would get exhausted from her. He usually hid in Snufkin’s tent to get away from her. He hoped Snufkin didn’t have the same feelings toward him. But, Snufkin was one to be more vocal on how he felt and tell someone- something Moomin seemed to have trouble with himself. Snufkin was the only one whose company he never tired of. They could just sit for hours and talk, or just listen while the other told stories. Sometimes, they would just sit in silence together.

Moomin missed that. 

“Moomintroll?  _ Moomintroll!! _ ”

“Huh? What? S-sorry Snorkmaiden. What did you say?”

Snorkmaiden let out a “hmph!” and pouted, looking away. “You didn’t hear a word I said! You were thinking about something else- or  _ someone  _ else!” Snorkmaiden sighed. “I bet whoever it was- she’s prettier than I am isn’t she? You met some other girl you like more!”

“Snorkmaiden, no.” Moomin replied. “I don’t know many girls. Besides you I know Little My, Too-Ticky, and Ninny.”

“I bet you were thinking of one of them, though!”

“Snorkmaiden Little My is like an older sister to me, and Too-Ticky and Ninny are together.”

A smile came over the Snork’s face. “Oh I know!” she brightened up. “You were thinking about us weren’t you?” She held onto his arm and leaned into him. “You were thinking about us being together and a future!”

“Uhm…”

“Oh no no don’t tell me! Whatever you have planned I will be just fine waiting!” Snorkmaiden giggled. “But we should be heading back home now. We can talk more about these things tomorrow!”

“Oh I- had plans for tomorrow. Sorry.” Moomin nervously smiled. He did have plans tomorrow, that was true, but it was just his visit to Ninny and Too-Ticky. He hoped Snorkmaiden didn’t invite herself along.

“Oh alright. Maybe another time.”

Moomin quietly sighed as they walked the path back towards their respective homes. Snorkmaiden was such a nice girl, and quite lovely. But she just wasn’t someone he saw himself having a future with. He just didn’t feel himself or endlessly happy with her like she seemed to with him. He hoped he wasn’t leading her on, as he knew she had feelings to him that he didn’t completely return, and they agreed a relationship wasn’t right. But she still continued to want to push him into one. In honesty, he wanted a relationship- but who he had in mind was someone other than Snorkmaiden. He remembered back to the late summer day he and Snufkin found themselves on that topic.

\---

“So, any plans for who you will court, Moomin?”

“W-what?!” Moomin sat up, staring in shock at his best friend, who was still lying on his back, eyes closed and a piece of straw hanging from the side of his mouth, his hands resting under his head.

Snufkin opened an eye and looked at him. “Aren’t you getting to the age where you court?”

“W-well sure. But...why do you ask?” Where did this come from? Snufkin wasn’t one to normally talk about romance out of nowhere.

He lightly shrugged. “I’m just curious I guess. You never mention anyone special that seemed like you wanted to court.” He gave a little smile as he closed his eye again, the warm sun hitting his body. “Unless you plan to court Snorkmaiden.”

“Snorkmaiden?!” Moomin almost wanted to laugh, but he knew that wouldn’t be right. Snufkin continued

“We all know she pines for you and shows you a lot of romantic affection. It’s pretty obvious.”

“Snorkmaiden is lovely and she’s a good friend.” Moomin looked up to the clouds, laying back down beside Snufkin. “But she’s not really someone I find to be courting material.”

“Oh? And who do you find to be courting material?”

Moomin gave a small smile. “To me, someone you court should be someone you can spend forever with. Someone who listens to you and you feel like you can be yourself around. Even when you are apart from them, you feel like they’re still right there, you know? Someone who just...brings something out in you nobody else can.” He glanced over to Snufkin. “You get what I’m saying?”

He was quiet for a minute, then Snufkin took the straw from his mouth, setting it beside him in the grass. “Yeah, I think I do.” He looked over to his best friend. “You wish to court someone you know you will never feel like a stranger to, and you know they won’t become someone you don’t know. You know each other’s secrets, hopes, fears, wishes, dreams… it’s like you know them better than yourself.”

“Yeah! Just like that!”

“That does sound quite nice.” Snufkin looked back up to the passing clouds.

“Well, what about you Snufkin? Have you ever thought of courting someone?”

“That would mean having to settle down I suppose. And you know I’m not one to do that all year long.”

“But what if you found someone on your travels who was like you? They traveled around like you and settled somewhere in the spring?”

“I’ve been traveling for years like this, Moomintroll.” Snufkin sighed, his hands now resting on his stomach. “But I never met anyone quite like that, nor who seems like someone I’d settle down with. I don’t stay in one place too long during my winter travels, so I don’t get to know anyone for long.”

Moomin was puzzled. “But don’t you ever run into the same people year after year?”

“Oh sure I do. It’s bound to happen. But, I don’t get to know a lot about them like I’ve gotten to know you and the others in Moomin Valley.” Snufkin looked back to his best friend and gave another soft smile. “Seems like those in the valley are the only ones worth getting to know. Some more than others.”

Moomin’s cheeks flushed a tinge of pink. “Well, let’s say you met someone outside the valley and wanted to court them...would you leave the valley? Even once winter was over?”

“They’d have to be pretty special to take me away from Moomin Valley, Moomin. And the only special ones I have met are in the valley.”

“If you courted someone in the valley, would you stay? All year?”

“I’ve thought about that...and that’s one of the reasons I’m not sure I would court at all.” He gave a little sigh. “The idea sounds lovely, Moomintroll. But I don’t like to be tied down somewhere, but I would hate to leave them behind for a whole season. I already have to leave you during the winter...I’d hate to imagine how someone I was courting would feel.”

Moomin looked up to the sky. “I’m sure they’d feel what I feel when you have to leave.”

“But then you go to sleep.”

“Doesn’t mean I don’t miss you though.” He thought for a minute. “You  _ would  _ tell me if you were courting someone, wouldn’t you? If that were to happen?”

“Of course Moomintroll! I tell you everything-you know that. Just like I know you’d tell me if you were going to court someone.”

“Of course I would!”

\---

Moomin gulped as he stopped. What if Snufkin had met someone the previous winters? What if he had left to go court them? No, of course not! That...that couldn’t be right! He knew Snufkin would’ve told him about them and tell him he was going to pursue a courtship.

He  _ would  _ tell him...wouldn’t he?

\---

Snufkin was quite far from the valley now. It only made sense that two weeks of travel brought him this far. Though, Snufkin thought about staying in one place for longer than a day. All this travel was getting exhausting, and usually he stayed in a place for a couple days. This time was different- he wanted to get as far away from the valley as he could before settling down, and no place felt perfect enough. Each spot felt too much like Moominvalley, or reminded him of Moomin in some way. He set his bag down as he stood on a grassy knoll, closing his eyes in the warm sun as the light breeze blew. Perhaps this spot would do. It was sort of like the valley, but he couldn’t fight off the need for rest anymore. He had hardly slept in the past two weeks, and lack of rest could make the body sick. Besides, he needed to restock on food anyways. He had been mainly living off of his food he brought along or the wild plants that grew along the paths. A combination of lack of sleep and inadequate nutrition made him even more susceptible to illness. He pulled out his fishing rod, looking for a good spot to set up. 

As he fished, his mind thought back to before he left the Valley. His usual fishing spot, where he spent most of the days catching fish either by himself or with his friends around doing whatever activity they liked. Most of the time Moomin sat with him, asking him all kinds of questions about outside the valley and what kind of fish he was trying to catch. Sometimes they said nothing, as Moomin would find this a good time to nap, or they just enjoyed the other’s quiet company. He remembered back to when Moomin had caught that dragon that one summer. Snufkin had done a reading on himself, with the result being if he was able to catch 5 minnows, he would be leaving the valley early that year. He didn’t realize how upset that had made Moomin, on top of the fact that dragon preferred Snufkin over him. Snufkin let out a small smile, recalling how he had told Moomin the minnows weren’t biting, so he’d be staying after all. In reality, he had given up his 5 minnows and the dragon to a passerby, just to make Moomin happy. That year ended up being wonderful in the valley. He was happy he didn’t leave early.

Perhaps what happened just before he left this time was punishment for him going against the cards. He usually didn’t, believing them to be accurate in predictions. Or perhaps he should’ve listened to his last reading he made on himself. Perhaps he should have heeded the warning.

\---

A couple nights before Snufkin left, he was wide awake in his tent, busy with a reading. He had been forgetting to do one, and thought he was due. He flipped the cards over- An upright wheel of fortune, a reverse moon, a reverse high priestess. This couldn’t be good. “There will come a change upon life, but you may learn about it through a miscommunication and will misinterpret it. This will bring up repressed feelings for you, bringing confusion and fear…” Snufkin sat there puzzled- what could this mean? He was not one to usually misinterpret things, or if he heard something, he’d get to the bottom of it. What would he be told that would bring up whatever repressed feelings the cards mentioned? He shook it off as he laid down, trying to decipher the meaning as he fell asleep. Perhaps he was looking too far and too deep into their meanings. Perhaps it would just be a misunderstanding that made him feel lonely, or make him remember something from his childhood he had all but forgotten about. 

It wasn’t until that fated day when he’d figure out what the cards meant.

\---

Snufkin shook his head to forget. Perhaps another reading tonight would guide him towards what he needed to do next. He honestly felt lost and in a daze since departing. The cards usually brought him more clarity and a sense of ease. He was known to be quite wise and could guide others onto the right path, but even the wisest could wander from where they needed to be. But, maybe he was relying on the cards too much. When he was younger he used them only a few times, such as when he should leave the valley when it came to be that time, questions he had about friends, very simple things. But as he grew up, Snufkin felt like he was constantly turning to the cards for help instead of using his own decision making; did he make the right decision for something he did five minutes ago, was what he said correct...most of the time he did readings to figure out things between him and Moomin-should he tell Moomin how he felt? Did Moomin feel the same? How was he while Snufkin was away during the winter.

  
  


Relying on them too much or not, a reading was in order.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the reader who pointed out my mistake in the previous chapter! I wrote that Too-Ticky and Ninny were a pairing, not realizing they differed in age. Upon looking back at ship things I had seen, it appears I may have mistaken Mymble's daughter for Ninny (plus after a search Mymbles daughter and Too-Ticky seem to be quite popular together) So I added something in this chapter to clear up the mistake without having to go back and editing the story.
> 
> Thank you again to the reader! Hopefully this chapter helps clear up my (or in the story, Moomin's) error!

Snufkin waited until dark to do his reading-it gave off the perfect ambiance and set a calming mood. He lit his incense in the tent, laid out his mat, and removed a small crystal he always wore from around his neck (another gift from Moomin), hanging it from the tent’s ceiling. He sat still, eyes closed and taking in deep breaths. This was his ritual for a card reading. His eyes were closed as he took his cards from their case, shuffling them blindly like it was nothing. He set the deck in front of him as he opened his eyes. His mind was at ease and his body was calm, the last step before he did a reading. Doing it tense he felt messed up the reading and gave more vague and inadequate results.

“I need to know…”Snufkin sighed, looking up at the crystal. “Did I make the right choice to leave the valley, or was it too soon? Should I have asked more questions, should I have just swallowed my feelings and gave my best friend the support he needed…” He gulped, a lump in his throat. There was more he needed to ask, but a reading can only answer so much. “Well, this may be too much to ask at one time. So I will just start with my biggest question of those: What should I do now...return to the valley or continue to stay away?” A small breeze seeped through the tiny opening in the tent, gently swinging the crystal. Snufkin let out a small huff- the crystal was not a good source as he mainly used that to aid in yes or no questions, but it was still part of his readings no matter the question. Looking at the crystal, he pulled the first card from the top of the deck, setting it down on the mat, then the second card, setting it to the right of the first, and then the final card, setting it to the right of the second card. He preferred not to look as he drew them and see them all at one time to get a clearer answer.

“Two of swords, reverse hermit, and knight of cups” Snufkin named the cards from left to right, closing his eyes once more and sitting up straight to reflect on their meaning. “You have some difficult choices ahead of you, which you have trouble with making a decision between your options. Because of this, you feel more isolated and alone than you did before.” Snufkin was known to be a loner, but the cards were right- he was starting to feel unusual loneliness the past two weeks. “But to make a decision, you must follow your heart.”

Well what was that supposed to mean? That just left him even more confused-his heart was telling him a lot of things. Conflicting things. Snufkin put away his cards, rolled up his mat, and put the crystal back around his neck, tucking it under his scarf for protection. He blew out his incense before laying down, thinking. Perhaps it was time to go back. He felt like he needed to face the situation head on and come to terms with it. But, the cards said to follow his heart.

His heart was saying that it didn’t want to be even more broken than it already was. 

\---

_ “So what flower were you trying to get, Snufkin?” Moomin glanced up to where they originally were before taking the tumble down. _

_ “Oh, there was just a nice looking daffodil i wanted to add to the flower crown I was making. Would’ve been perfect.” Snufkin sighed. “But oh well. Hopefully most of the flowers we picked are still up there waiting for us.” _

_ “Daffodils?” Moomin asked. “Hold on a minute.” He carefully got up, looking up at the hill. Studying it, walking a couple steps one way, and then another. Snufkin was quite confused now. Moomin took a couple breaths in and started running back up the steep slope. _

_ “Moomin!” Snufkin yelled out in worry. He was terrified Moomin was going to fall and get himself hurt. What was he trying to do. He could only watch as Moomintroll raced upwards,skidding down a couple feet, but get right back to running. He stopped for a moment when he was almost back to the top, then he started to carefully slide back down. Once he got back to Snufkin, Moomin began to pant, out of breath from what he just did. “Moomin, why on earth did you do that?!” _

_ “Had...to get...this.” _

_ Snufkin’s blinked as he saw what was in Moomin’s paw. “The..the daffodil? Moomintroll I could’ve easily found another o-” _

_ “This was the one you were hoping to get.” Moomin interrupted. “I wanted to make sure you got it.” He handed it to Snufkin carefully, who seemed at a loss for words.” _

_ “Moomin I-I don’t know wha-...thank you.” Snufkin smiled. _

_ ~~~ _

“You make strange noises while you sleep, you know that?”

Moomin’s eyes shot open as he sat up. It was dark out and Little My was sitting on his bed, giving him the smirk that seemed plastered on her face. He let out an exasperated groan. “Little My  _ WHAT  _ are you doing in my room this late?! Go back to bed!”

“Nah, couldn’t sleep.” She jumped off his bed, walking towards the photo on his nightstand. “Thought you’d be up to still moping over Snufkin.” She jumped up and grabbed the photo, Moomin letting out a sound of panic, afraid she’d break it. “You were dreaming about him, weren’t you.”

“N-no..w-well maybe I..It-it’s none of your business! Give that back!” Moomin reached to try and get the framed photo back, Little My being too fast as she moved back, letting Moomin fall from his bed. “LIttle My!!”

“Calm down, I’m not gonna break it. I’m just looking at it.” She held the frame carefully as she looked at the picture, letting out a small laugh. “Look at ya two. Wearing flowers. I thought that’s something only Snorkmaiden did.”

“Men can wear flowers if they please. I just don’t usually wear them since you’d laugh and Snorkmaiden would tell me I can’t.”

“Well you’re right about one of those...I’d probably laugh.” Little Mymble propped herself up back onto Moomin’s bed, letting her legs dangle off the side as she looked at it. “You two do look happy… Really the only time I see you  _ this  _ happy’s when you’re with Snufkin, and Snufkin always seems happier when you’re around.” She looked over to Moomin, who was picking himself up off the floor, dusting off his fur. “I guess you put this on your nightstand to dream about him..how cute.”

“Well then, go ahead.”

“What?”

Moomin sat on his bed. “Go on and make fun of me. Make your weird noises that you make to stuff like this or-”

“Look, you have a reason to be acting this way. I only do that kind of stuff when it’s you and Snorkmaiden bein all couple-y to one another...blech.” Little My made a face as she made her ‘blech’ sound. “When it’s you and Snufkin being this way towards each other, its not really gross. It’s actually kind of nice.”

“...You feeling alright, Little My?”

“This is probably the restlessness talking.” She handed Moomin back the frame. “I get that you miss him. But you can’t be moping over him every day. You need to do other stuff.”

“I do, as a matter of fact. I spend time with Snorkmaiden and Sniff, I go for walks, I’ve been visiting Too-Ticky and Ninny…”

“You know that reminds me. Snorkmaiden was telling me about your two’s little romancy date.” Another hurling sound from Little My along with a face. “You mentioned something about Too-Ticky and Ninny being together?”

“Yes?”

“...You realize Too-Ticky is with my  _ sister,  _ right?”

“Of course, that’s why I said Ni-” Moomin realized what he had said, groaning as he put his face in his hands. How could he make a mistake like that? Ninny was his age and Too-Ticky was much older. He had forgotten in that moment the Mymble’s Daughter was Too-Ticky’s girlfriend, and Ninny was sort of like their foster child. He hadn’t been able to think so clearly for the past couple weeks. 

“I don’t blame you for your slip up. I know your fuzzy head’s been in a tizzy since Snufkin left.” Little My smiled, poking Moomin’s head. “But remember, My oldest sister is with Too-Ticky, she’s just been helping Mother out for a bit so she hasn’t been there. And remember, Ninny ain’t my sister. You’re looking at the youngest of the Mymble’s children right here.” Little My smiled and proudly pointed to herself as she stood on the bed.

“Right, sorry...Just you know Ninny does look like you and your sister.”

“Well I know for a fact she’s not related.” Little My thought for a minute, then sat back down. “You know, I never told anyone this...but I’m actually not my mother’s youngest child.”

Moomin groaned. “Don’t tell me...they’re going to be living here too?”

“Oh quit it. You know I’m a delight. Anyways, when I was younger, my mother met some guy...can’t remember his name or what he looked like really, but he was around a lot. Pretty nice guy. Didn’t mind all the children Mother had. He sort of took on a dad role for us.” Little My smiled a little at the memory. “Then my mother told me I would be having a little brother or sister.”

“How’d that make you feel?” Moomin didn’t know what it was like to have any brothers or sisters, and all his friends were the youngest or an only child.

“Well I was unhappy at first not being the baby of the family any more. But then I saw how happy my sister was when she’d care for us, so I thought I’d be just like her and help take care of the new baby.”

“How come I never seen them? Or haven’t heard of them until now.”

Little My frowned. “They weren’t around long. Mother had so many children to take care of she realized she couldn’t handle another baby. And my sister couldn’t take care of a newborn. So their dad decided to raise them. Didn’t see much of either of them since. I can’t even remember if the were a boy or girl.”

Moomin looked at his feet. Little My had never opened up to him like this before. Perhaps she was ill? Perhaps she was tired? “So why mention this?”

“Well, it’s weird but...Snufkin always kind of felt like that missing piece in a way. It’s weird, but I felt like I had some connection to him.” She looked to Moomintroll. “But you better not be telling anyone I was going soft for a few minutes. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Moomin gave her a small smile. “Sure thing, Little My.”

“Well then, I’m gonna go back to bed. You go back to making your weird sleep noises.” Little My hopped off the bed and walked out the door towards her room.

Moomin laid back down and adjusted the frame, smiling as he closed his eyes. Hopefully he could get back to that dream.

  
  


\---

While Moomin was having his dream of a delightful memory, Snufkin on the other hand was having a nightmare from an unpleasant event.

~~~

_ “Moomintroll! Moomintroll!” Snufkin called out as he raced back to the valley. His heart was telling him he needed to go back to the valley- tell Moomin everything. As he got closer, he threw his pack off from his shoulders to lighten the load as he broke off into a sprint, almost losing his hat. He stopped at the edge of the pant, gulping. The valley seemed barren, Moominhouse dilapidated. He continued running, the bridge squeaking and creaking with each stride across, a board snapping behind him as he bounded for the ladder leading to Moomin’s room. Snufkin hopped onto it and climbed, the ropes letting out creaks and small snapping sounds from wear. He pushed the window open and fell into the familiar room. _

_ “Moomintroll! MOOMINTROLL!” He cried louder. His heavy breathing started to slow as he took in the surroundings. The room was empty and collecting dust. Old items lay about, looking to have been untouched for years. He walked around the room looking. There had to be a sign of someone being here. He heard a crunch beneath him as he quickly brought his foot up, picking up the item he just stepped on. Behind broken glass was a photo of him and Moomintroll. Why would he leave this behind? _

_ Unless something bad happened to him… _

_ Snufkin ran out the door and about the hall, calling out different names. “Moomin?? Little My? MoominMamma?! MoominPappa?” No responses. He made his way down the stairs, calling out their names at each level until he got to the ground floor. Nobody answering. The house was deadly still. Snufkin looked around desperately. The furniture was under dust-layered sheets. The floorboards creaked under each step. The house never felt so empty, and Snufkin had never felt so alone. He looked down to the photo in his hands. “Moomin…” _

_ He stepped outside, looking up as he gasped. The outside was now like a void. He felt a breeze pick up as he held onto his hat with one hand and held the frame to him with the other. He heard those voices again- the ones that filled his head just over a week ago. But this time, they echoed all around him _

_ “Soon Moomintroll and I will be married… Married..Married….” “Come this spring, we will court...spring...court….” The voices echoed. The breeze picked up as Snufkin held onto the porch’s support beam as the void grew stronger, still trying to hang onto his hat and the photo.  _

_ The echos got louder. “Perhaps we will leave the valley...valley...valley…” “We may live somewhere else..else..else…” _

_ The breeze picked up, Snufkin let go of his hat as it was sucked towards the void, now clinging to the beam for dear life, eyes squeezed shut to keep in tears. The echos got more taunting and louder _

_ “Leave the Valley” “Married” “Court” “Spring” “Married!” “Leave!” Spring!” “Court!!” _

_ Snufkin couldn’t hold on any longer, his fingers slipped from the beam as the void pulled him in, the Moominhouse starting to crumble as the photo lay on the porch. Snurkin tried to scream in terror, but nothing came out as the echos became deafening _

_ “COURT!” “COME SPRING!” “MOOMIN” “MARRIED” “LEAVE THE VALLEY.” _

_ Snufkin was finally able to find his voice as he managed to scream out _

_ “MOOMINTROLL!!!” _

_ ~~~ _

“NO!!!”

Snufkin sat fully upright, covered in sweat, shaking, and panting hard. He was still in darkness. He was in the void still. He fumbled for a match as he lit his lantern, illuminating the area. He gulped as he started to adjust to his surroundings. It was all a nightmare. He wasn’t in the void. He was still outside Moominvalley. It was still Autumn. Snufkin sat there still, trying to pull himself together as a few tears fell down. He put his head in his hands, trying hard not to start sobbing like he did when he left the valley. That couldn’t be healthy. He pinched the bridge of his nose to stop anything from coming out, taking in deep breaths. 

“It wasn’t real...It was just a nightmare.” Snufkin kept repeating to himself quietly, trying to stop the violent shaking. No matter how many times he told himself that, his mind kept telling him that it was real, it all felt real. He opened up his tent and carefully stood, almost falling over from his shaking legs, but managed to walk over to the stream nearby. He needed some cold water on his face. Snufkin kneeled beside the stream and dipped his hands in, covering his face with the cool water as he let out a content sigh. The water was refreshing. He lowered his hands in again and took a drink. His throat was sore from screaming himself awake, and all the panting he did didn’t help. He air-dried his hands as he sat beside the stream, listening to the water trickle and rush over the rocks and debris as he felt the cool autumn night air hit his wet face. Hopefully this could stop the sweating. Luckily he had fresh clothes in his pack to change into.

After Snufkin changed and laid back down, he looked at the flame in the lantern. He was almost scared to go back to sleep. What if he had the nightmare again. He tried to think of happy thoughts, but none could come to him as he kept his eyes open. The flickering flame started to make him drowsy as he kept fighting to stay awake. He didn’t want to be in darkness, but knew having a lantern on all night was dangerous. He recalled his reading telling him to follow his heart to make the decision of staying away or going back.

He took the nightmare as his heart giving him the answer: Stay away. 


	6. Chapter 6

“ _ What are all these flowers anyway, Snufkin?” Moomin asked, looking over the arrangement Snufkin held. There were all kinds of flowers in different colors. Moomin was busy with his own flower crown, but he wanted to see what Snufkin’s own collection was, since he seemed set on needing a daffodil.  _

_ Snufkin didn’t look up from his work, weaving the flowers together. “Crocus, tulips, acacia, arbutus, honeysuckle, white clover, gerbera,iris,some ivy,japonica,narcissus,mallow,and thanks to you, daffodil.” Snufkin smiled up at Moomin as he worked on the flower crown. Moomin smiled, continuing to tie the stems together. He had just picked some various flowers, not as wide a variety as Snufkin’s- he just picked the ones he thought looked nice. Perhaps Snufkin picked his with some meaning. As he worked, he could hear Snufkin hum to himself. “There, finished.” Before Moomin could look, he felt something rest on top of his head.  _

_ “Snufkin? What are you-” _

_ “I made it for you.” _

_ “You..did?” Moomin’s eyes shined as he blinked, looking up at Snufkin. The spring breeze gave a gentle sway of the grass, Snufkin’s coat flowing along with it as his bangs brushed just above his brown eyes. _

_ “You almost got yourself hurt just to get a flower...for a crown...for me?” _

_ “Well sure, why not. “Snufkin lightly shrugged, giving a small laugh. “I knew it would be a perfect addition.” _

_ Moomin smiled. “Thank you, Snufkin.” He looked down at his own finished flower crown, standing up and removing Snufkin’s head, replacing it with the crown Moomin made from his own flowers. “There.” _

_ Snufkin smiled. “Well now, I guess I won’t be wearing my hat for a while. _

_ ~~~ _

Moomin awoke to the birds chirping outside, smelling a breakfast waiting for him downstairs. Moomin sighed as his dream ended. Such a nice memory. Now a month had passed since Snufkin left. It was now almost to late Autumn, and not a word from him. Oddly enough, the coldness of the season hadn’t fully settled in just yet. The warm month prior was now replaced with some more chilly breezes, signaling winter would soon approach, but it was still warm to the point a light jacket was ideal, rather than the heavier material some of the valley’s residents wore during fall. Perhaps Moominpappa was right, maybe this would be the rare winter they don’t hibernate. Moomin remembered there being one when he was quite small, but it did feel strange, as he kept asking Moominmamma when they’d be going to sleep, which she would just smile and say “We don’t have to sleep, the season’s too inviting-it didn’t want us to miss this.”

Moomin came downstairs, still groggy as he rubbed his eyes. Coming into the kitchen, he stopped. Moominmamma was already up of course, Moominpappa was at his usual spot reading the paper. But something was different...Snorkmaiden was here too, helping Mamma. She was the first to see him as she smiled. “Oh, there’s my Moomintroll!” She said with chipper in her voice. “Moominmamma and I are almost finished! Just have a seat.”

“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Moomintroll usually helped with preparing breakfast, it only felt right so Mamma wasn’t doing all the work.

“Oh you silly sweet Moomin~” Snorkmaiden giggled. “Don’t worry! I’ve got it, right Moominmamma?”

Moominmamma nodded and smiled, setting down hers and Pappa’s breakfast. “Snorkmaiden arrived pretty early to help me with some things. She wanted to learn how to make your favorite foods.” She smiled to Moominpappa, who looked down from his paper to kiss his wife’s cheek, smiling before returning to his paper.

Moomin was a little confused as he sat down ?”Uhm..right then.” As he took his seat, Snorkmaiden skipped over and set down his plate with a smile. Moomin smiled, to be polite, but then thought about the dream he had. He started to feel less hungry as he poked at his breakfast.

“Something wrong, dear?” Moominmamma asked.

“...I had another dream about Snufkin.” Moomin said quietly. Snorkmaiden stopped as she was about to sit with her own plate. Moominpappa looked down from his paper. The table was quiet.

“...Oh?” Moominmamma was the first to speak. “Another…?”

“I have been since he left a month ago.” Moomin’s stomach was starting to knot up. The breakfast smelled good, and he wanted to be polite since Snorkmaiden had helped make it. “Just about a memory from a while back.”

“Well, memories are quite nice.” His mother smiled. She knew how upset Moomin had been for the past month, hoping he’d soon get back to the happy son she knew. “But I’m sure he will be back soon.”

“Mamma’s right.” Moominpappa spoke from behind his paper. “He leaves every winter. Just think of this as an extended vacation.”

“But he left without telling anyone. Something must be wrong.” Moomin looked down. “But, if something  _ was  _ wrong, I know he’d tell me.”

Snorkmaiden touched his paw. “Why don’t you forget about that for now? I don’t like to see my fuzzy dear sad.” She smiled. “Have some breakfast..for me?”

Moomin sighed, finally taking a couple bites. It was... _ okay.  _ Definitely not his mother’s cooking, but he wanted to be nice. Snorkmaiden worked hard to make him happy. Though, he was still unsure as to why Snorkmaiden was learning how to cook the things he liked. Why would she need to know? And she was being rather affectionate-a little more than usual. Moomin wasn’t sure if it was the food, her affectionate attitude, or his sadness over Snufkin, but his stomach was starting to hurt more. He groaned as he held his stomach, pushing his chair from the table. “Sorry Snorkmaiden. Sorry Mamma...I’m just not feeling well.”

Moominmamma came over to him and felt his forehead, then his cheek. “You do feel a little warm, dear. Go back to bed. I’ll bring you some tea.” Moomin walked back up the stairs, passing Little My, who was on her way down.

“What’s with him?” She asked in her sarcastic tone. “He usually doesn’t miss a meal. Unless he ate too fast.” She hopped up onto his chair, eyeing the barely touched breakfast. “Well, can’t let this go to waste.” She smiled, grabbing a fork. Before she could dig in, the plate was pulled away, the youngest Mymble hitting her face into the table.

“No.” Snorkmaiden said sternly. “This is  _ Moomin’s _ . I’ll save it for later when he’s hungry. Go get your own.” She and Little My glared at each other.

“Thanks Moominmamma…” Moomin sighed as he sipped on the peppermint tea she had prepared for him. His mother sat on the side of the bed with him, eyeing the photo.

“Ah, I remember that day.” She smiled. You two came home all scuffed up. But, you had such pretty flower crowns. I remember how much you smiled when you told me Snufkin had made yours. Though I still didn’t figure out how you two got scraped. But, you both are boys, and boys get roughed up when they’re outside”

Moomin smiled a little. He hadn’t told her that they had fallen down the slope because Snufkin was trying to reach a flower, or how Moomin ran back up to get it for him. He didn’t want her to worry. But perhaps she would’ve thought it was a sweet gesture on both ends, as she tended to see the brighter things in a situation.

Moominmamma continued. “You know, flowers are a nice way to show different kinds of affection. Some to say sorry, some for friendship, and some to show pining for another. When your pappa and I were courting he brought me my favorite flowers.” Moominmamma smiled. “And even to this day he will surprise me with some.” She kissed her son’s forehead. “Finish your tea and once your stomach feels better, come back down if you’re still hungry.” Before she left, she poked her head in once more. “Oh by the way dear, Snorkmaiden loves snowdrops. They’d be a perfect gift for Springtime.”

Why did Moomin need to know that?

\---

Snufkin sat at the riverbank, waiting for fish to bite, still pondering over what his last reading meant: “Listen to your heart” He said quietly. “What can that mean…” Part of his heart was telling him to go back and tell Moomin, but if his last nightmare meant anything, it was telling him to stay away. Did Moomin even notice he was gone? Probably. But, did he care?They were best friends after all, but if what Snufkin heard was true, perhaps they weren’t close enough to where Moomin would tell him big news and not have him overhear it. Snufkin sat with a knee propped up, elbow placed on his knee with his hand resting on his cheek, still pondering as he waited for a bite. He hadn’t left this new spot for almost two weeks now. He figure being about two weeks travel from the valley, and having been gone a month was good for him- who would take two weeks out of their lives to come find him? Snufkin figured most would just take a couple days at most, if they even left the valley to look for him...if anyone even bothered to. 

He propped up his fishing pole and dug out his harmonia from his pocket. He hadn’t played much of it since he left, but he was in the mood for some music while awaiting a fish. His creative juices to create a new melody had run dry for the past month, so he resorted to playing one he had already played so many times before. As he played, his mind wandered to when he first composed the tune a couple years ago.

\---

“Moomintroll? What are you doing up so late?” Snufkin looked up to his best friend’s window, where he could see Moomin sticking his head out, elbows resting on the windowsill.

“I can’t sleep...what about you?” Moomin asked,

“Nevermind that. Here, let me come up.” Snufkin was already climbing up the ladder to Moomin’s room as he was helped in. “Can’t sleep hm? I think I can fix that. Get back in bed.”

Moomin nodded and got back into bed as Snufkin sat at the foot, bringing out his harmonica. “I’ve been working on something, would you like to hear it? Perhaps it’ll help you all asleep.”

“Oh yes please!” Moomin smiled, settling in. Snufkin smiled and started to play. The melody was slow, much like his song he played on the bridge outside Moominhouse. But as that one would wake Moomin up, this one seemed to have the opposite effect as his eyes felt heavier. The melody reminded him of his mother’s music box he liked to listen to as a small child, imagining he was at a lovely ball as he would close his eyes and dance around. When he couldn’t sleep, his mother would open it so he could fall asleep, dreaming of being in his best formal wear and waltzing among the royals. Soon Moomintroll was fast asleep. Snufkin watched him as he played, not ending until a couple minutes after his best friend had fallen asleep. Snufkin put away his harmonica and watched him for a bit. He looked so peaceful when he slept. As Snufkin was about to leave, Moomin’s eyes opened a crack. “Snufkin...would you...like to sleep here tonight?” Moomin asked half asleep. Snufkin looked back, one leg out the window.

“Hm? Are you sure Moomin?”

“Sure… there’s plenty of room.”

Snufkin had slept over many times, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for Moomin to ask him, but he was so used to sleeping alone in his own tent. “Why..uhm, sure.” Snufkin smiled, bringing his leg back in and closing the window. Moomin moved back in his bed to give Snufkin some room. The Mumrik removed his hat and placed it on the nightstand next to Moomin’s family photo, laying next to Moomin who had already fallen back asleep. Snufkin was on his side facing Moomintroll, studying his face as he gave a soft smile. How badly he wanted to just lean over and give his friend’s forehead a kiss. Or just kiss him in general...how would that work anyway? Snufkin’s soft smile started to turn upside down, realizing that perhaps Moomin didn’t feel the same. Most likely Moomin just saw him in a platonic way. That’s how Snufkin saw him when they first met, but those platonic feelings slowly started to turn to that of romance within a couple years. He found himself thinking of Moomin often, eager to see him every day and wanting nothing more than to spend every day with him.

Snufkin started to drift off into sleep, dreaming of a love that he was sure would never be.

\---

Snufkin gave a little smile as he finished the song. He realized that that was probably the first good memory he had had in the past month, with most of his recent thoughts being plagued with nightmares and the anxiety of losing what made him happy. Of course, there were the memories of the ruby amulet and the midsummer bonfire, he had forgotten about those nice memories. His head had been so foggy lately. Perhaps he was ill.

“Oh what a lovely song!” A small, familiar voice piped up. “Papa always told me your songs were wonderful! And now I got to hear one!”

Snufkin snapped to attention as he looked over, blinking in surprise before giving a little smile. “Why, hello again little one.”

Teety-Woo’s child hopped over to Snufkin, a smile on their face. “Oh please tell me the name of that song! I want to tell mama and papa all about it!”

“Well I..hold on, have you been following me?” Snufkin had left the forest area over three weeks ago, had this small one been following him this entire time? It made him uneasy.

“Oh no no! After you left I went back home for a couple days, but then I decided I wanted to be like you and go on an adventure! So I did just that.” The brown creature giggled. “I guess I just happened to go on your path. When I told papa I met you he was really happy!”

Normally Snufkin would be annoyed by the attention and company, but this was the most he had received in a while, so it felt a bit nice. All he could do was smile as the small one went on.

“Oh! Have you gone back to Moominvalley? How is everyone?”

Snufkin frowned, turning his attention back to fishing. “No, little one. I..don’t think I’ll be going back for some time.”

“Why? Is the valley okay? It didn’t get cold there all of a sudden did it?”

“No no, there is just...well, I’m not sure how to put it. There are some things going on there I would rather not take part in.” He cast his line again. “Nevermind all that, though.” He glanced to the small critter. “I never got your name.”

“Oh! I’m sorry! My name is Maple, since our home is in a maple tree.” The small one, named Maple, beamed. Snufkin let out a small laugh. He was expecting a name similar to Teety-Woo’s, but liked how the name had a meaning behind it. “Since we’re talking about names, what was the name of the song you were playing earlier?”

“Oh, it was just a melody. Sometimes I don’t give my melodies names.” Snufkin’s attention went back to the water. His melodies did have names, he just couldn’t bring himself to tell Maple the name of this particular one:

Moomin’s Lullaby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was struggling to think of a name for Teety-Woo's child, trying to think of a name similar to that or just having them called "Small One" or "Little One" ironically, as Snufkin was calling them that before, but Maple sounded like a nice name. I was also going to end the part of Snufkin having the memory with just him thinking about his anxieties, but remembered that the nice memory he had in this chapter wasnt the first nice one he had in the fic x.x oof- so last minute addition to reference some of the other ones.


	7. Chapter 7

Things were getting odd around Moominhouse. Mamma and Pappa would talk in whispers whenever Moomin was around, looking over to him and continuing their hushed talks. Snorkmaiden was coming over more frequently, learning Moomin’s preferences or this or that. Moomin would walk in as the three were talking, but then they would stop as soon as they noticed him. It was starting to drive Moomin crazy. What were they talking about that meant he couldn’t be involved? His birthday was months away, much too early to plan something. That wouldn’t require Snorkmaiden to come by and have to know every detail about Moomin that she didn’t already know. The only one that didn’t seem to intrude or sneak around was Little My. She would be in the room with them at times, but usually she would tease Moomin about knowing or end up telling him just to annoy Snorkmaiden. She was oddly quiet as well. They had stopped mentioning Snufkin by now, Moomin felt like he was the only one that actually cared about Snufkin’s well-being. Of course he was sure everyone did, but from the day he left until now-which was now nearing a month and a half, he was mentioned less and less in the valley, almost as if he were just a distant memory.

Sniff wasn’t any help during the ordeal. He thought of trying to make bank off Snufkin leaving, trying to make hats just like the vagabond’s, scarves, pretty much trying to make things to remind everyone of Snufkin as if he was never coming back as a sort of “memorial” items. Moomin couldn’t help but feel a bit happy Sniff wasn’t selling. Sure it felt petty to be happy over this, but in a way- Sniff deserved it to try and make money off Snufkin. Even when Sniff tried to be nice and give Moomin some of the items for free, Moomin couldn’t help but feel upset. He knew that wasn’t Sniff’s intention as he just wanted to make Moomin happy, and Moomin couldn’t fully blame him since he was still a bit younger and probably couldn’t connect what was appropriate and what wasn’t. 

Even though it had been a month and Winter would be coming within the next month or so, meaning Moomin would be asleep, his mood had barely changed since that Autumn day. He had stopped waiting at the campsite weeks ago, but he was still clinging onto the small hope that one day, he’d see his best friend coming up the path, apologizing profusely for his absence, and agree to stay for the winter to make up for it all. Perhaps he would offer to hibernate with Moomin even! After all- traveling for months and having to go right back would probably wear him out. Moomin’s cheeks flushed to a pink as he imagined: A cold winter with his best friend next to him asleep, moving closer to one another for warmth and comfort…

Moomin blinked, realizing what he was thinking. Men didn’t think that way about their friends! That was a thought for couples, not a thought of your best friend. Though he had to admit to himself, Moomin had been fighting these feelings for a few years now. He started to see Snufkin as more than his best friend, but he was sure the feeling wasn’t returned. Snufkin didn’t seem the kind to pursue a romantic relationship, though he seemed like quite the romancer with his thoughts of life, his knowledge of flower meanings, how beautiful he could make his harmonica sound, his love of nature, how he could describe anything so vividly that Moomin would get lost in his words, thinking how adorable the mumrik got as he talked of his travels.

Moomin shook his head. He had to stop thinking about Snufkin that way. If word got out that that’s how he thought of his best friend, how would the valley react? Little My would tease him to no end, Snorkmaiden would be heartbroken, Mrs. Fillyjonk would probably chide him for not turning those feelings to a female, the Park Keeper would give him grief for falling for a ‘troublemaker’. 

But most important...what would his own parents say? Little My seemed like she already knew about Moomin’s pining, but would she dare tell Mamma and Pappa? Would she tell Snorkmaiden? No. It had been almost a month now since their late-night talk about Snufkin. She would’ve spilled it by now. Perhaps Moomin judged her too much. As brash and impolite as she could be, Little My could be trustworthy with secrets. Or she already told them. That’s probably what they whispered about. Snorkmaiden was probably always here to persuade him to romance her and learn everything he liked so he would find her as a romantic interest.

All of this made his head hurt as he laid back on his bed, holding his forehead. All of this worrying was making him feel sick. Perhaps a visit with Too-Ticky and the others was in order. Visits with them would give him a sense of peace.

Unaware to Moomin, Little My was holding a few secrets. Ones Moomin knew, and one she thought he already knew.

\---

Snufkin’s mind was in a whirlwind of its own as he hiked up a path, something he usually did to clear his mind. He had done another reading the previous night that yielded a similar result than the last- ‘Listen to your heart’. Snufkin was growing frustrated. What was he supposed to do if his heart told him different things every minute like a constant battle? One minute his heart would say to go back and face it all. The next reminded him going back would only break his heart. His heart would say to forget Moomin and move on, but then his heart would tell him to tell Moomin everything. The constant back and forth in his heart made his whole body hurt, his mind a fog, and kept his stomach in knots. He was happy to be alone at this moment. Maple only stayed for a day, then left for home the following morning.That was a couple weeks ago, he was sure they were back home now, telling their parents all about their adventure.

He couldn’t help but to think about Moomin. He thought about those warm spring days he would be walking up the path to Moominvalley, seeing a familiar white blob in the distance get closer, being able to make out Moomin’s smiling face from several yards away, hearing him call out from even further. So many times Snufkin wanted to drop everything and run to Moomin, embrace him and just hold him forever. Moomin was the only one in the valley to seem excited to see him each Spring. He couldn’t recall anyone else awaiting his arrival and be willing to run all the way down the path to greet him. He smiled at how Moomin’s face lit up when Snufkin would talk about his travels, listening to every word as if it was the most interesting thing he ever heard. When Moomin would talk about what happened while he was away, or any exciting dreams he had, Snufkin would just watch as Moomin seemed to get more animated in his storytelling. He found himself smiling like a doofus whenever Moomin told him things that interested him and thought Snufkin would enjoy hearing about. 

The Mumrik sighed, realizing these thoughts were useless. How badly he wanted to admit what he felt to Moomintroll, but he was sure Moomin only saw him as a best friend. Besides, word would get out to the valley, and he was sure all the judgements those made about him would fall onto Moomin; Snufkin’s distance from others, his criminal behavior, his lack of respect for restrictions...all things Moomin didn’t deserve to have cast upon him. There was the fact that Snorkmaiden seemed to play a large role in Moomin’s life. Snufkin was well aware of Moomin’s fear of hurting others, causing him to have a hard time telling somebody his negative feelings or turning them down for something. He had seen it so many times before. Moomin and him would be off by themselves or spending the day together when Snorkmaiden would come over, dragging Moomin away for some reason or another. Moomin would try to protest, but it would be in such a soft tone and would fall upon deaf ears as he went along with her, leaving Snufkin on his own. He couldn’t blame Moomin for this though- he found himself not being able to blame Moomin for anything or find one thing to dislike about him.

A cold breeze brushed by Snufkin, a sign he had to return for his camp. As he walked, his thoughts remained to Moomin, feeling a warmth through his body despite the cold chill in the air, his heart beating faster. Snufkin put a hand to his chest to feel his heartbeat. He stopped when he felt something between his clothing and his heart. He reached into his coat, pulling out the crystal he wore around his neck. He studied it for a moment, as if it had some hidden meaning. All it meant to him was being a gift from Moomin, and that he hung it in his tent during his readings.

Wait. The readings. His heart.

“Listen to your heart…” Snufkin said quietly, a realization sweeping over him as his smile got bigger. “Listen to your heart! That’s it!” Snufkin’s smile got wider as he laughed. The answer had been around his neck and over his heart the whole time! The crystal! All he needed to do was do a pendulum test with the crystal. 

No time for that now, it was too cold. He picked up into a run towards his tent, feeling as if his legs would give out at any second. He would finally get his answer.

\---

“It’s pretty rambunctious at your house, huh?” Too-Ticky asked, pouring Moomin another cup of tea as Ninny sipped on hers. “It’s usually pretty quiet here since My is helping her mother. Sure all her siblings are grown, but the Mymble’s grandkids are all there for most of the time. The only time this house isn’t so peaceful is when she brings some of them here to relieve their mother.” Too-Ticky and Ninny looked at one another and laughed, thinking of all the chaos that went on. Moomin let out a small laugh too, being reminded of his slip up he had made about the two. Of course he wouldn’t mention it to them, as they would probably be a little creeped out. Most likely they would understand his slip up, as Little My excused it as his mind being a little unfocused for the past month and a half.

“Right, how is she anyways?”

“Oh My’s doing just fine! It’s been a few years since we’ve been together, but she and Ninny get along really well.”

Ninny nodded. “I enjoy having two mother figures around. Well, three if you count Moominmamma, but since I live with Too-Ticky and Ninny, I’m around them more.” Ninny felt a little bad excluding such a nice woman such as Moominmamma, and feared Moomin would be offended.

Moomin seemed to sense her worries. “Don’t worry, Ninny. I understand. Moominmamma knows you have Too-Ticky and Mymble’s daughter around to give you the love you deserve. But, she’s always happy when you come for a visit.”

“Thank you, Moomin. I should visit her at some point. I’ve neglected to.”

“She’d like that.” Moomin smiled. “Snorkmaiden is around so much, I’m sure Moominmamma would like different company for a change.”

Too-Tiky perked up, as if she remembered something. “Oh, Moomintroll! That reminds me. Snorkmaiden was here the other day and told us the news. We just wanted to say congratulations!”

Moomin set his tea down, a quizzical look on his face. “Congratulations…? News…? What are you talking about?” He asked slowly. Snorkmaiden didn’t visit them often, she must have seen him come by and decide to stop by as well, groaning that she was seeming to invade every aspect of his life.

Ninny tilted her head. “What are you talking about, Moomin? Don’t you know?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Moomin said, taking another sip of tea.

“We’re talking about your courtship, silly!”

Moomin sprayed tea from his mouth, coughing at the drops he inhaled. Too-Ticky and her foster daughter exchanged a puzzled and worried look.

“C-courtship?! With  _ Snorkmaiden?!”  _ Moomin’s voice went to a higher pitch. “W-what?!”

Too-Ticky gulped, realizing that Moomin was out of the loop. “She..told us that come spring you two would officially be courting. Snorkmaiden mentioned that hopefully by next year you would be married.” Each word hit Moomintroll like a truck. Courting? Marriage? Snorkmaiden?! His paws started to tremble as his cup clattered in its dish.

“What...else did she say?”

Ninny spoke up. “She said that you two were also planning to move out of Moominvalley.”

Moomin jumped up, his chair hitting the floor with a thud, causing the other two to jump. “S-sorry! I..have...I have to go!” Moomin bolted out the door towards his home. This couldn’t be true! It couldn’t be! This had to be a bad dream!

Ninny picked up the chair as she looked to her foster mother. “Something tells me he didn’t know. Did we.. do something wrong?”

“It seems like we didn’t know...but it’s good we said something.” Too-Ticky looked out the door to see Moomin bolting down the path as the sun was setting. “Imagine if we hadn’t said something. He probably wouldn’t have learned about it until it was too late.”

“Do you..think Snufkin knew?”

“I’m not sure, Ninny...I’m not sure.”

\---

Snufkin had packed up his things, holding the crystal by the string between his fingertips, letting it dangle in the air. He had already asked what yes and nos meant for the crystal: the crystal spinning in a circle meant yes, waving back and forth meant no. He took in a breath.

“Okay...Do I return to Moominvalley?” He asked with his eyes closed. He waited a moment before looking, keeping his hand still the entire time.

A circular motion: Yes

“Do I...tell Moomintroll how I feel?”

The circular motion spun faster, a definite yes.

That was all he needed as he put the crystal back around his neck as he took off for the valley. He was two weeks travel away, but he planned to get there by the start of winter, hopefully earlier. He planned to tell Moomin everything, absolutely everything.

He knew Moomin was going to be getting married, and Snufkin had to tell him he loved him before it was too late. Before he lost him forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter feels a little lacking. I wanted to get out the mutual pining between the boys without feeling repetitious from previous chapters. I also realized Sniff hadn't been mentioned too much, so that's why he was mentioned briefly, though I don't really know how to write him (and he doesnt contribute to the main plot) I also didn't want to drag out with more filler before the twist Moomin learns about in this chapter. I don't want to drag this on too long, but then I always dislike ending a fic too early (but once this one ends, there will be a sequel/more additions). Hopefully it starts to pick up in the next couple chapters with the reveal.


	8. Chapter 8

“Snorkmaiden! SNORKMAIDEN!” Moomin yelled as he pounded on the front door to her house. He didn’t care how loud he was being. He was angry,  _ very  _ angry. His run from Too-Ticky’s all the way here made him go from confused and hurt to pure rage. How could she be telling people this?! Them, courting??? Was that why she had been over so much and being more affectionate? How dare she,  _ how DARE she!  _ Snufkin being gone already made him upset, but her going around telling all of Moominvalley that she and Moomin were courting, planned to marry, AND leave the valley?!

SnorkMaiden opened the door, stepping back to avoid being accidentally struck in the face by Moomin’s rapid knocking. “Oh Moomin~” She said with a smile, a smile that quickly faded when she registered Moomin’s angry expression. She knew if he were a snork, he’d probably be beet red in anger. “Moomintroll, is something the matter?”

“You know  _ EXACTLY  _ why I’m upset!” Moomin was trying hard not to raise his voice too much, a lump in his throat forming against the dryness from shouting. “How..how could you?!”

“Did I...do something wrong?” Snorkmaiden asked. She had never seen Moomin so angry, she was trying hard not to cry now, her fur having a tinge of blue.

“Too-Ticky just told me that you told her and Ninny we were going to be courting?! And then MARRY?! And what is this about leaving the valley?!” Moomin glared at her. “What made you think such a thing.”

Now it was Snorkmaiden’s turn to be angry. “Look here, Moomintroll!” She snapped, her tinged-blue fur now fading to a hint of red. “I got tired of waiting on YOU to start courting! I know its usually the men who court the lady. But...but.. Ooohh!! I just got SICK of waiting for you to realize that!” Her hands balled into fists at the sides of her body. “So I decided to make plans for us! I didn’t spend all that time showing my affection to you for nothing!”

“But Snorkmaiden, courting is supposed to be mutual! Between two who are in love!”

“But don’t you love me, Moomin?!”

Moomin sighed, his anger starting to boil down. “Snorkmaiden. You are a lovely girl. But I-”

“Now look here.” Snorkmaiden cut him off in a snap. “I already talked to your Mamma and Pappa. We were making plans to coax you to start courting me by this Spring. You back out now and you’ll be hurting not only me, but your parents!”

Her words hit his heart like an arrow. She was planning with his parents…? They...They knew about this? And they were going to essentially force him into a courtship and marriage? His legs shook as he stepped back. “They...knew?”

“Of course they did. That’s why I was over so much. I wanted to learn how to be a good wife to you. Learn all the things you liked.”

“Who..else knew…” He was finding it hard to form words, the lump in his throat now throbbing.

“Let’s see..” Snorkmaiden put a finger to her chin in thought. “I mentioned it to Too-Ticky, Ninny...I’m sure they told Mymble’s daughter, who told her mother, I believe i mentioned it to the park keeper, Mrs. Fillyjonk, Little My-”

“Little My?!” Moomin almost fell back. Little My knew. She knew and didn’t tell him. He thought she was a friend. Moomin had to know one more thing. “Did..did Snufkin know?”

Snorkmaiden scoffed. “I don’t think so. He left before I could’ve mentioned it to him. He’s a nice guy and all, but he’s your best friend so I figured he’d better hear it from you.”

“How could I tell him when he’s gone? And when was I going to find out about this?!”

“I figured you’d learn about it by some point, Spring at the latest. I was hoping you wouldn’t find out until Spring.”

Moomin felt sick. Sick to his stomach, sick in his throat, sick in his heart. All of this was hitting him at once. He had learned he was going to be married off to his childhood friend he had no romantic feelings for, and his best friend wasn’t here to help him through it or stand up for him. He took off on the path back to his home, ignoring Snorkmaiden’s shouts for him to come back.

She was making it all up! There was NO way Moominmamma and Moominpappa knew, they would NEVER do something like this to him. There was no way Little My knew either. She would’ve been the first to tease him about it and reveal everything. This all had to be a nightmare.

Moomin desperately needed Snufkin more than ever right now. Wherever he was, Moomin hoped he was on his way back to the valley now. Despite being gone for almost two months, Moomin never gave up hope. Unknown to him, Snufkin was on his way.

\---

Snufkin knew that it was going to be dark soon, but he felt stopping would only be a delay in getting back to Moomintroll. Walking from the valley took about two weeks from where his last camp was, so he figured running would cut the distance to one week’s travel, perhaps less if he didn’t stop to make camp. A foolish and dangerous idea, as he rarely traveled at night and lack of sleep could make him delirious, sick, and possibly kill him. Not only that, there was the chance of freezing to death from the incoming cold winds that were approaching the valley. But at this point, Snufkin would brave a blizzard to get back to Moomintroll. That was something he always told himself he would do, but in this situation, he was willing to do anything more than ever if it meant getting back and confessing to his best friend. Even if Moomin turned him down to continue his courtship to Snorkmaiden, at least Snufkin could live with knowing that Moomin knew. But, the vagabond wasn’t sure what he’d do if Moomin turned him down. Would he leave the valley for good? Would things become awkward between the two? What if Moomin went through with his plans to leave the valley?

Snufkin’s mind was racing so much, and the lack of sleep was starting to get to him, he smacked into a tree, getting a mouthful of leaves. Snufkin spit them out and picked a couple stray ones from his face and mouth. “Perhaps...it’s time to make camp.” He looked up to the sky with a sigh.

“I’ll get back to you soon, Moomin. I just hope you wait for me.”

\---

“Moominmamma?! Moominpappa?!” Moomin called out as he burst through the front door. Moomin looked up from her knitting and Pappa came down the stairs, looking at their son, who was bent over, out of breath from all the running he did. From Too-Ticky’s to Snorkmaiden’s to back home was exhausting. The room was quiet as they waited for Moomin to speak. 

Little My piped up to break the pause in the air. “That must have been the most exercise you’ve done all year, Marshmallow.” She smirked, hoping for a reaction. Moominmamma came over and held her son’s face, looking down to Little My strenly.

“Little My, now is not the time to be rude.” She looked back to her son, seeing sadness forming in his bright blue eyes. “Whatever is the matter, dear? Did something happen? Are you hurt?”

Moomin gulped hard as he looked up at Moominmamma.“P-please tell me it isn’t true!” Moomin begged his mother with a shaking voice, putting his hand onto her arm. “Tell me Snorkmaiden is making it up!” He was choking on his words as he was still trying to catch his breath, the lump in his throat now feeling like he swallowed an orange whole. “T-Tell me it’s a joke! Please Mamma!”

“That what isn’t true, son?” MoominPappa asked from the stairs. He hated to see his son upset just as much as Moominmamma did.

“S-She said you all were planning to have me start courting her in the Spring! A-and then ma...marrry her and leave the valley! B-but she’s wrong! Tell me she’s wrong!” Moomin looked to his parents. Tears blurred his vision, but he could see them exchanging worried glances. “ _ TELL ME!”  _ He managed to get out, his voice rising The room became still in silence, his parents looking to each other, almost as if they were silently telling the other to speak first.

“Dear…” Moominmamma started, “we just wanted what’s best for you.”

Her words shot into Moomin’s heart, causing it to explode. “M-mamma…”

“Son,” his father cut in. “Moomins at your age are usually courting by now. Snorkmaiden has been pining for you for years. We just thought you..needed a small push. After all, it’s impolite to keep a lady waiting to be courted” He looked to Mamma. “I was quite the same when I was your age, but with your-”

“STOP!” Moomin backed away from his parents, his eyebrows now furrowed in anger as tears streamed down his cheeks. “I don’t NEED a push to court! I am NOT marrying Snorkmaiden! I’m NOT leaving the valley! And I’M NOT YOU!” Moomin almost knocked Little My over as he bolted up the stairs, pushing past his father..He tripped a couple times on his way up, but he didn’t care if Little My made a comment or laughed. He could feel his vocal chords pounding with each breath he took, sore and probably red from his screaming.

“Moomintroll!” He could hear the worry in his mother’s voice, but at this moment he didn’t care if his shouting had upset her- what they had done...it...it was unforgivable! He made it to his room, slamming the door and locking it. He put his back to the door, squeezing his eyes shut as the lump in his throat pounded. He wanted to scream, but when he opened his mouth, all that came out were gasps. His angry eyebrows slowly turned upwards as he opened them, the tears stinging his eyes as his lip quivered, his gasps turned into whimpers. He couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Moomin slid down his door and dropped to the floor, sobbing harder than he had ever sobbed. Snufkin leaving had already broken his heart, but this completely obliterated it. He wanted this all to be a bad dream, he wanted Little My to come in and laugh, telling him it was a joke. 

He wanted Snufkin.

\---

Snufkin laid outside his tent, looking up at the stars before he went to bed. He hoped he could make it in time. From what he knew, the courtship was going to be in Spring, and if what Snorkmaiden said was true, they’d probably be married by the end of the year. It did seem pretty quick, but perhaps it wasn’t too strange- Moomin and Snorkmaiden had known one another for years, In fact, Snufkin had known Moomintroll for just about as long as Snorkmaiden had. But he knew that didn’t matter

After all, Moomin hadn’t been the one to tell him he was going to start courting.

\---

The afternoon before Snufkin had left, he was in his tent, writing in the small journal he kept. He could hear voices outside the tent as he kept a groan in. Now if it were Moomin’s voice, he’d of course stick his head out to say hello. But neither voice that was talking was Moomin’s- they were both feminine.

“So he’s really going to do it?” Snufkin knew that to be Little My’s voice.

“Oh yes, isn’t it wonderful, LIttle My?” And that was Snorkmaiden.

“Oh yeah, sure.” :Little My said in a sarcastic tone. Snufkin smiled a little.

“I find it romantic!” Snorkmaiden sighed. “Imagine, come next Spring, Moomintroll and I...oh can you believe it, Little My? We will be courting!”

...What?

“You know, I don’t think I’ve heard him talk about it.” LIttle My remarked. “I’ve heard MoominMamma and MoominPappa mention it. But you think someone like Moomin would be telling everyone.” Snufkin had to agree- Moomin was the kind to share news like this to everyone in the valley...why was this the first time Snufkin had heard about it?

“Well he just wants it to be a secret, silly!” Snorkmaiden giggled. “So  _ please _ don’t tell him I told you!”

“Alright, alright.” Little My groaned.

“Oh, just think, LIttle My!” Snorkmaiden sighed. “Come this spring, we will court. Soon, Moomintroll and I will be married.”

_ What? _

Snufkin stifled a gasp as he kept listening, his hands shaking as he struggled to keep the journal and pen in his hands.

Snorkmaiden continued. “I hope by the end of next year we will already be married, but only time will tell.” He heard the bridge railing creek as she leaned against it. “Perhaps we will leave the valley. We may live somewhere else.”

Snufkin didn’t want to hear anymore, holding his ears as he choked back tears. Just for safe measure, in case either of them poked their heads in, he covered himself up in his sleeping bag, gulping down the lump in his throat as he felt his lip starting to tremble. How could Moomin not tell him? He thought that Moomin confided everything in him just as Snufkin confided in him. HIs best friend was going to be courting? Getting married?  _ Move out of the valley?  _ No, perhaps this was just some silly thought Snorkmaiden had. Yeah, that was it.

But Little My said she had heard Moominmamma and Moominpappa talking about it. Perhaps it was true. Tears fell from his cheeks onto his sleeping bag as he squeezed them shut, keeping his crying silent as to not alert Snorkmaiden or Little My, or even Moomintroll if he happened to come by. He ended up crying himself into a sleep, not waking up until hours later, just as it was getting dark. When Snufkin awoke, he poked his head quietly out of the tent. Both the girls were gone, and the lights were on in the Moominhouse. Snufkin guessed that the family was having dinner by now. Snufkin knew he should eat too, but his stomach was in such a knot that he didn’t try. He silently started to pack the things in his tent, appearing to just ‘clean up’ to anyone that poked their head in to check on him. He put his sleeping bag over him again, keeping awake, but just pretending to be asleep. He didn’t want anyone to be suspicious.

When it was late enough, Snufkin sat up in the dark tent, watching as the illumination outside that made up Moominhouse got dimmer and dimmer with each light inside being turned off. He watched as all but one light was completely off. He knew the last light on was from Moomin’s room, as if he were waiting for Snufkin to come by before going to bed. Snufkin decided to wait him out, which took longer than Snufkin thought it would. Moomin didn’t stay up for too long, but it was surely more than a few minutes before Moomin decided to give up. Or so Snufkin thought. Snufkin could see a shadow coming towards his tent. He panicked and hid under his sleeping bag, closing his eyes with his back turned to the entrance.

“Snufkin…?” A voice quietly called out from outside the tent. Snufkin kept still and quiet, knowing the voice was Moomin’s. He knew Moomin was poking his head in. “Snufkin…” Moomin whispered. Snufkin pretended to be asleep, hoping Moomin would be fooled. “Hmm..already asleep.” Moomin quietly said, “Heh..well, goodnight Snufkin. See you tomorrow.” Snufkin pretended to be asleep, poking his eyes open to see the shadow getting smaller as it went back to the dim house. After a couple minutes, the outside was completely dark.

Snufkin waited a few more minutes to make sure the coast was clear. He got up, finished packing up and took down his tent. He looked to Moominhouse, mainly in the direction of Moomin’s room.

“Goodbye, Moomin….” He said under his breath as he turned his back to the house, walking off into the night. He swallowed another lump in his throat as a tear fell from his eye.

\---

Moomin lay in his bed, back to the door as he played with the fur on his tail quietly. It was the middle of the night. He had stopped crying a couple hours ago, but he had been crying for well over an hour it felt like. He had a few quiet knocks on the door from his parents earlier, asking him if he was okay, to open the door so they could talk, how they were sorry about the whole ordeal. But, Moomin stayed strong and kept quiet, keeping the door locked. He knew by now his parents were sleeping. He was getting a bit hungry as well, knowing Moominmamma had left him some dinner outside the door. Moomin was going to fight his urge to open it though. He was going to stay here in protest. But, he was getting hungry as his stomach growled. And the meal smelled good. It must be cold by now though, but it still had a strong smell. Almost as if it were in the room with him.

“You better listen to that stomach of yours.”

Moomin let out a yelp as he turned over quickly, seeing Little My standing in his room, holding the plate of food. What? How?

“Little My!” Moomin whispered, glaring at her. “Why are you in my room?! Wait.. _ how  _ did you-”

“Get in? Little My finished. “SImple. I have a copy of your room key.”

“You  _ WHAT?!”  _ Moomin was finding it hard to whisper now.

“Oh, stop with your whispering. Moominmamma and Moominpappa are fast asleep by now. I’m sure not even a comet hitting outside the house would wake them.” She set the plate on Moomin’s bed. “As for the key, I made a copy so I could get in for emergencies.”

“You- and tell me..how many times have you used it without me knowing?”

“Twice. Once to make sure it worked, the other right now.”

Moomin blinked. Little My was concerned for him? He put the plate on his lap as he took a few bites, starving. Little My hopped on his bed. “That was quite amusing what you did earlier. Didn’t think I’d ever see you angry, or hear you shout.” She gave him a light tap with her elbow. “Finally found your backbone, huh?”

Moomin looked away as he took another bite.

“Did you really not know what was going on?”

“No.” Moomin said flatly. He remembered Snorkmaiden telling him Little My knew of the idea. He was just as angry with her as he was with his parents. “And I thought you of all people would’ve told me once you knew. But instead you just kept it to yourself. Like Mamma and Pappa did.”

“Look Moomin…” Little My’s voice got softer. “I thought you knew. That’s what Snorkmaiden told me.”

He gulped and looked at her. “Hold on...what?”

Little My nodded, looking at her feet, her usually smug expression turned much softer,almost in guilt. “She told me that you knew about all of this, but didn’t want it getting out. She told me not to mention it to you.” Her expression turned into a glare as she kept looking down. “But I should’ve suspected something. How you were acting around her, how you seemed so...uncomfortable by her flirting and..whatever she calls it.” She sighed as she looked to Moomin. “I’m sorry, Moomin.”

Moomin put his plate down, pulling Little My into a hug. “Little My…” his voice trembled. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m..sorry I was mad at you. If I had been in your situation I probably would’ve done what you did”

Little My smiled a little and patted his fur. “Ah, don’t get soft on me now. I liked seeing you be something other than obnoxiously happy or mopey for once.” 

“Little My” Moomin asked her as he ended the hug. “Do you think...Do you think Snufkin knew too?”

“Nah.” Little My shook her head. “You know if he had heard about it, he would’ve come to you right away. He knows that if you had big news, you would be telling him first.” She thought for a sec. “I think we were near his tent when Snorkmaiden told me. But there’s no way he was inside. If he had heard us, he would’ve been out there right away to hear about it. You know how Snufkin is.”

Little My watched as Moomin walked over from his bed to the window, looking out past the path leading out to the valley. “So, what are you going to do now?”

Moomin thought, looking towards the photo on his nightstand, then looking back out to the path. A determined look on his face, realizing exactly what he was going to do next.

“Something I should’ve done over a month ago.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is probably the longest chapter. I was going to probably split it in two, but thought it worked better as one long chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

A couple of days past, and Snufkin was feeling like he wasn’t getting any closer to Moominvallrey. His original idea of mainly running the whole way was cut short as he found running only made him exhausted and dehydrated. It wasn’t like him to not want to walk and take in nature, but all he wanted to see right now was Moomin. He kept going over what he was going to say to him in his head. Would he just act casual with a “Moomintroll.” Would he profusely apologize and explain himself? Would he go right to his window and profess his love from below? Would Moomin even be waiting for him? He was sure Moomin was still upset with him and would either embrace him or want nothing to do with the vagabond. Either one, Snufkin understood. Though he knew it was more in Moomin’s character to do the former, Snufkin felt the latter was going to be the more likely outcome. It would be one thing if he had just left for a couple days to cool off, then come back and talk to Moomin. But, he just  _ had _ to leave for a month without notice like some kind of diva. But, Snufkin knew he had to reason with himself- he was upset at the news, and perhaps an absence would be good. Moomin and Snorkmaiden deserved the time alone, and Snufkin knew he had to be a supportive best friend and be there, even if his heart was aching the entire time. On the other hand, Snufkin knew his own mental health was important, and staying in the valley with this information would have been internally killing him.

Snufkin looked on ahead. In a little over a week he’d be back in the valley. He had until then to figure out what he was going to say. Usually that wasn’t a problem, as Snufkin was known to have a way with words, but when it came to Moomin, he found himself just saying a casual “Moomintroll” in response to Moomin’s excitement to seeing him, resisting his urge to finally tell his best friend how he felt, scared of rejection or making things awkward between the two. But perhaps Moomin felt the same. He  _ did  _ give him an amulet with a gem that represented love in it, and Moomin  _ did  _ make it himself. But that could all be just a coincidence- as Moomin may of just thought it looked nice and wanted to give it to Snufkin. But, Moomin did seem to know the other symbolism for rubies- luck and friendship.Perhaps it was just given as a platonic love. Or maybe Moomin was too shy to tell him about it symbolizing love. Or-

Snufkin’s mind had wandered so far he wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings, causing him to trip over a log rather than step over it. Snufkin didn’t have time to catch himself and face planted into the ground, his groans muffled by the dirt. He stood up and brushed himself off, wincing as he brushed his leg. “That’s going to be a nasty bruise.” He sighed as he looked ahead once more. “Come on, Snufkin. You can’t let your mind wander that badly. You could’ve gotten seriously hurt.” He said to himself as he kept walking. Luckily that trip only delayed him by a minute or so. Who knows what could’ve happened if he had done something like break a bone or twist an ankle?

\---

Moominmamma was growing worried. Moomin had barely come out of his room since that night. Moominpappa tried to calm his wife, telling her that at his age, boys tended to be withdrawn and be angry. It was just a phase and he’d soon be okay, Pappa kept telling her. He knew what they did upset their son, but he stood by Mamma’s explanation- they wanted what was best for him, and wanted to see him happy. Moominmamma however was starting to feel they should call the whole thing off- it wasn’t fair for them to essentially be forcing their son into a relationship-practically having him in an arranged marriage-without his consent or knowledge. Pappa disagreed, being a little ‘old-fashioned’ and saying that Moomin’s romantic options in the valley were quite limited, and Snorkmaiden was a lovely girl that got along with their son. Mamma could sense that Moomin’s heart was set on somebody else, but she didn’t want to jump to a conclusion or put her son in even more resentment towards her. When she did see her son, it was only once or twice a day and he wouldn’t say anything to her, even though she would gently ask him if he wanted to talk or that she wanted to explain. It upset her, but she knew Moomin needed some space. Each meal she would leave a plate outside his door and wait a couple minutes to try and see him before going back downstairs. At the end of each meal, she’d come back and take the empty plate from outside the door. Pappa told her she shouldn’t be encouraging his behavior and make him come downstairs, but she was firm in her defense, saying she was not going to force her son to come out of his room when he had a right to be upset, and she was  _ definitely _ not going to starve him.

Moomin knew that his unwillingness to see or talk to his parents upset his mother greatly, but he couldn’t bring himself to face them. He feared they would only guilt him into marrying Snorkmaiden. After he cooled down that night he knew yelling at them was wrong. They had always been loving and supportive parents, and he could see their idea of just wanting him to be happy and wanting what was best. But the thing was, they  _ didn’t _ know what or who would make him happy, and he was terrified to tell them what his ideal happy situation was- to be with Snufkin. He didn’t know how far their plans were, but he knew if Snorkmaiden was talking a courtship and then a marriage in the span of less than a year, then those plans must have been pretty thought out. The only person he talked to for the past couple days was LIttle My. She would tell him when the coast was clear after Mamma brought him a meal, knowing she was waiting outside to see him. At night she would sneak in after Mamma and Pappa had gone to bed and they would talk about whether Moomin should talk to his parents (and to an extent, Snorkmaiden) or just various things to get his mind off of it all. But, not even Little My knew about Moomin’s plan or even his feelings to Snufkin. Sure she assumed and seemed to imply she knew, but she didn’t seem to know how far Moomin was willing to go for him.

It was about five days after Moomin learned about his parent’s plan, and Moominmamma was bringing his dinner. However, she knocked on his door this time. “Moomintroll,” She said softly, “I know you are probably still angry, but I just wanted to say that...well your Pappa and I still feel terrible for what we did. It wasn’t fair to not tell you nor even plan this in the first place. But I miss seeing my little boy.” Moominmamma wiped a tear from her eye. “Please, open the door so we can talk.” Of course, she only received silence as a reply. However, Moominmamma decided to try and open the door, knowing it would be locked. To her surprise, the knob fully turned and she was able to open the door. She smiled as a glimmer of hope shot in her heart. She kept the door open a crack, knowing that just coming in would be intruding. “Moomin?” She quietly called, poking her head in. No response- and no Moomin.

Mamma opened the door fully, heart racing. She hadn’t seen Moomin around the house today, and didn’t see him when she was doing some work outside. Her eyes darted around the room, looking for some sort of clue. A few of his things were gone, the photo of him and Snufkin that had been on the nightstand was gone. When she opened the nightstand’s drawer, the photo he had of his younger self with her and Pappa was gone too. She wrung her hands in worry. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a note folded on his bed, picking it up to read it. 

She nearly fainted from what she read.

“Moominpappa! MOOMINPAPPA!” She cried out, rushing down the stairs, note in hand. Pappa met her at the bottom step, his wife running into him as she started to cry, a note in her shaking hand.

“Dear, what’s wrong? What’s that?” Concern grew in his voice as he could tell she was beside herself.

“Moomin...he...our-our boy-he...look!” She handed him the note. They both held it as Pappa read it to himself, Mamma re-reading it to make sure what she saw was right.

_ Mamma, Pappa- _

_ I’ve decided to leave for a while. This whole thing with you both and Snorkmaiden plotting behind my back, and Snufkin’s disappearance earlier this season has pushed me to a point where I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve decided to set out on my own as I am almost an adult. If you believe I am old enough to court and marry, then I am old enough to be on my own. With hope, I will find Snufkin. If I don’t, then I guess I will just be having the kind of adventures I had only dreamed of. Pappa talked so much of all the adventures he had when he was my age, even being on some when he was younger. You both seem to be set on the idea I’m just like Pappa, so I guess it’s only fair I go out on my own much like he did. _

_ I am aware it is so close to winter. Maybe I will return by then to hibernate, or perhaps I will hibernate elsewhere this year. EIther way, with hope, I will see you both in the Spring after hibernation has ended. I know that I should’ve talked to you both, but I saw no point- I know you both would have just tried convincing me to go along with the idea to marry Snorkmaiden to not upset her and ruin plans rather than see how unhappy that would have made me. Snorkmaiden is a nice girl, but I just cannot see myself being happily married to her, or happily courting her for that matter. _

_ Mamma, thank you for leaving me the meals and understanding my need to be alone. I know it pained you for me to be distant and ignore you, and I’m sorry for upsetting you. I hope that you both can forgive me for just up and leaving. _

_ -Moomintroll _

Pappa looked up from the letter to see Mamma at the coat rack, getting her purse and putting on her scarf. “Moominmamma! Where do you think you’re going?!” It was already dark out and the weather was getting colder with each day. There were a few signs that the valley would soon be blanketed with snow as well, making travel a foolish idea.

“I’m going out to find him!” Mamma said over her shoulder, the front door was already open as a gush of cold air filled the room. “Moomin won’t be okay on his own!”

Pappa put his hands on her shoulders to hold her back. “Mamma, his letter is right ...He is old enough to be on his own. If we thought he was at the age of courting, then he is at the age to travel on his own. I mean when I-” Pappa stopped himself, seeing just what Moomin meant the other night and in his letter. “I mean, when  _ moomins  _ get to be his age, they’ve usually already been on a few adventure away from home.”

“But Pappa-”

“Darling, who knows what’s out there. If you don’t find Moomin, then the Groke will find you.” He looked out to the forest leading out of the valley, gulping. “Or worse...The Lady Of The Cold will see you.”

Moominmamma caught her breath. She hadn’t thought about either one of those. The Groke was not nearly as deadly as the Lady Of The Cold though, rumored to turn anyone who looked at her into a frozen corpse as she instantly froze her victim to death in a matter of seconds. “But… Moomin is out there..and Snufkin.”

“Now now, Snufkin is probably somewhere much warmer by now. And Moomin is a smart boy. He knows to hide somewhere warm once the cold starts to set in.” Pappa was just as worried for his son as his wife was, but he didn’t want to worry her more. He managed to lead her away from the door as he closed it behind them, walking with her to the couch where they sat, hugging.

LIttle My came down after hearing all the commotion. Her usual snarky remarks were gone as she could see how upset they older Moomins were as she picked up the note, reading it to herself. Her face turned to that of horror as she looked to the door. 

“He actually left…” Was all she could manage to say. “Moomin...actually left…”

\---

Moomin was a couple hours away from the valley now, having set off after lunch and making sure the coast was clear outside. He had a pack on his back, only carrying a few items with him that he saw necessary- the two framed photos he had, a couple snacks, a journal,a few other small items for camping, and a tent rolled up with some sleeping items, the entire load looking much like Snufkin’s pack. He knew that he should’ve gone looking as soon as Snufkin had left, as it was getting colder, but in a way- he was glad he stayed behind. If he hadn’t he could’ve returned to the valley still unaware of the plan, and have it gone fully through before he could get a chance to object. Perhaps this wasn’t the best idea, as he didn’t know much about camping. But, he had seen Snufkin set up and pack up so many times, he learned a few things. It was also time for him to get away from the valley for a while to clear his thoughts. He hoped his parents weren’t too upset or somehow caught up to him. He hoped they understood and would give him the space and freedom to venture out.

He wasn’t fully sure where he was going, but he knew that he wouldn’t stop until he found Snufkin.


	10. Chapter 10

Moomin’s first night camping wasn’t as bad as he thought it was going to be. He had a little trouble setting up his tent and couldn’t fall asleep right away, but he managed. He was worried his parents would find him in the middle of the night and make him come back home, even though he had a few hours of travel ahead of them. He knew that leaving a letter perhaps wasn’t the best option. Had they even found it yet? He had left his door unlocked as a way to tell them something was off, knowing at some point Mamma was going to try coming in. Maybe Little My found the letter first and was coming to find him, or showed it to his parents, or perhaps she wasn’t going to say anything. Eventually his parents would catch on though. He had no idea his parents had found his letter and were at home waiting for him to come home. His head was a flurry of thoughts- would he find Snufkin? Did his parents know or care he left? Would they tell Snorkmaiden?  _ Was it always this cold??? _

Moomin shivered as another cold gust hit him, bringing his scarf up further over his face. Moomins had very soft and warm fur, perfect for hibernation. But, moomins also hibernate indoors and were barely out in the cold unless they had to be. It was late autumn- almost winter at this point. Moomin knew that any day now the Lady Of The Cold could come passing by to bring the cold and snow to the valley, the first of her many passings in the winter season, that’s why Moomin knew he had to hurry to find Snufkin... _ if _ Snufkin wasn’t as far away as Moomin feared. He had been gone for nearly two months now, and with winter approaching, he’d probably still be traveling in the warm South. Moomin wondered what it was like there, still hoping to one day put off his hibernation and see the world with Snufkin. That is, if he didn’t mind, knowing that his winter travels was, as Snukin put it, his “way of building up energy to be around everyone in the valley from spring until the end of fall”, with winter being his sort of “alone time”.

What Moomin was unaware of, was that while he was about a day’s travel from the valley, Snufkin was about a week away by now, and they were both headed right for one another. Within only a couple days, they’d be in the same place at the same time.

\---

Snufkin estimated he was only eight days away from the valley- eight days before he would see Moomin again, if Moomin wasn’t already hibernating, and  _ if _ Moomin actually wanted to see him. He didn’t know he’d be seeing Moomin much earlier than that however. Snufkin fiddled with his harmonica in his pocket, trying to get his mind off Moomin and distract himself. He wasn’t up for playing a song, as he could only play when he felt inspired or a drive to. Perhaps his pipe could help him get his mind off things. He fumbled in his pocket, pulling the pipe out and bringing it to his mouth and then fumbling once more for a matchbook. He hoped the increasing winds would let him get just enough flame to get the pipe going. Thankfully, the wind subsided for just long enough to get it going, Snufkin taking in a drag of the pipe, slowly letting the smoke out. Yes, this helped a lot. Snufkin didn’t use his pipe often, only when he was extremely stressed or when he felt the mood called for it. In fact, he realized he had barely used his pipe since he left the valley, recalling when he tried to use it that first day- how awfully he had choked on the smoke while he was emotional. Perhaps he was too afraid since to try and smoke again? Or perhaps his mind hadn’t even registered the pipe as an option? Whatever the reason, Snufkin was relieved to have one of his outlets again. 

As he walked, Snufkin started to think. What if Moomin had come looking for him? But, if that were the case they would’ve run into each other by now. Unless, Moomin had gone in a different direction or they somehow passed one another. Hopefully he wasn’t lost. Snufkin was more of an expert traveler, knowing how to get back to the valley from almost anywhere. He knew Moomin rarely-if ever- ventured outside of the valley. If he did, it was only a short distance away and not for long, and  _ definitely _ he wouldn’t go alone. But if he had gone looking for Snufkin, would that mean the others would be along too? Sniff, Little My, and… _ her.  _ No, probably not. Where Moomin would brace anything he set his mind to, their less than enthused friends would probably want to go back within a day. Now, Snufkin didn’t dislike the others. Far from it. But, he didn’t feel particularly close to any of them apart from Moomin. The second closest was possibly Little My, as she and Snukin tended to get along, and Snufkin found some delight in Little My’s dry humor. She also just seemed...very familiar. Like someone he had seen when he was quite small. But, Snufkin had mostly been alone most of his life. He knew he came from two individuals, but he didn’t really know them too well. He didn’t know who his mother was and barely had any memories of his father, just knowing that his hat and shabby old tunic he wore were hand me downs from him. Even if he didn’t remember him, Snufkin felt like wearing the old hand me downs were like knowing him, in an odd way. All he really knew about his father was that he was childhood best friends with Moominpappa and that he had some run ins with the law and the Park Keeper. Perhaps Snufkin was more like his dad than he thought- especially with his relationship to Moomin and his own troubles with authority. Hearing Moominpappa’s stories of his father brought an odd warmth into Snufkin’s heart, like he had known his dad his entire life.

Snufkin’s mind wandered back to Moomin again, as much as he tried to think of something else. He hoped Moomin was doing okay. He reached into his tunic and pulled out the crystal from around his neck, fiddling with it in his thumb and index finger as he walked, pipe in the other hand. A gust of pre-winter wind hit him, causing Snufkin to shiver and pull his scarf higher up over his chin. He looked ahead, within a couple days he would be passing through the mountains. Soon, he’d be back to the valley, back to familiar surroundings, back to Moomintroll.

He hoped.

\---

Moomin was now about four days from the valley. So many new things he was learning and seeing on his travels. He felt a little homesick already, or maybe the knot in his stomach was from anxiety about what happened and what he was going to do when he saw Snufkin again. Was he going to tackle Snufkin down and confess everything? Would he start to cry and ask Snufkin where he had been? Was he going to act in anger? No, Moomin rarely ever got angry. The angriest he ever remembered being was when he exploded at Snorkmaiden and his parents over a week ago.And he knew he would never blow up like that at Snufkin, no matter how bad things got. Would Snufkin even want to see him? Would he make him go back home so the mumrik could continue being alone? Maybe Snufkin had made a new friend to see the world with-no. No no no, Snufkin would  _ never _ abandon Moomin. He wouldn’t..would he?

Moomin made his way up the rocky paths in the mountains.He was familiar with the Lonely Mountains back in the valley, so traveling through this mountain range wasn’t too difficult. He was still unfamiliar with his surroundings, having stayed within the valley his whole life. But if it called for it, he was going to travel across the world if it meant being with Snufkin again. He shivered, the cold was worse on the mountain with the higher elevations. With hope he would be somewhere warm and safe before The Lady of The Cold made her winter travels, bringing with her a deathly cold. A snowflake drifted from the sky, dancing around before landing on Moomin’s nose. “Drat.” Moomin said quietly. “Snow.” He looked up, the clouds were now gray and blocked out the sky as more snowflakes started to make their way down. He pulled his pack up and picked up the pace. The tent he had been sleeping in was warm enough during the cold nights, but it wouldn’t be good in the middle of a snowfall.

The longer he walked, the more the snow picked up, as well as the winds. Moomin shivered, his body was getting colder and his legs felt heavy. Somewhere there had to be a good shelter. An abandoned cave, a small cabin, anything would be good right now. Moomin cupped his hands over his mouth, blowing into them and rubbing the warm breath over his paws. He couldn’t walk anymore. Moomin needed to rest. He sat down against the mountainside, trying to shield himself from the blistering wind. Just a small rest, Moomin thought. Then, I’ll be back to traveling. He wrapped his scarf around his face, shivering. The cold started to make him tired, Moomin’s eyelids started to get heavier. He knew falling asleep outside in the cold could kill- but just closing his eyes for a couple minutes couldn’t hurt…

\---

It was dark out when Moomin woke up. He felt a lot warmer, he didn’t feel the cold wind anymore...Oh no, was he dead?! Did he freeze to death?! Moomin sat upright and looked around. He was..in a cave? A small fire illuminated the area. Moomin took the scarf off and looked to the opening. Outside the snow was now whipping around, the wind echoed through the cave. How...did he get there? Did he manage to walk into a cave? But, that didn’t explain the fire. He stood up and looked around, looking for a sign of another being in the cave.

“Hello?” He called out, his voice echoing. “Is someone there?” He noticed by the fire there was a sleeping bag laid out, along with a familiar pack. It couldn’t be...No. 

“Moomintroll???” A shaky voice said behind him. Moomin’s ears perked up. That voice...It...couldn’t be. He turned around, his blue eyes widening. 

Snufkin. It was him. He was standing at the cave’s entrance with a bundle of firewood. Well, the firewood  _ was _ in his hands. The vagabond dropped them upon seeing Moomin.

“Snufkin?!”

\---

Snufkin’s brown eyes were wide. Standing before him was Moomintroll. It couldn’t be- was it? Earlier Snufkin had taken shelter in the cave, going out to get supplies when he needed it. He had cut off some of his travel time by not stopping to camp the night before. Perhaps it was his sleep deprivation playing tricks on him. The only other person that should be in the cave with him was the mysterious traveler he found on the path a few hours ago. He had been walking to look for supplies when he saw a white figure with a scarf over their face lying next to the mountainside covered in snow. If it hadn’t been for the scarf, Snufkin wouldn’t have seen them. Snufkin eyed the same scarf on the floor. He didn’t realize it was Moomin. His legs felt like gelatin as his hands shook. Moomin...He- didn’t know how to feel.

“Snufkin?” Moomin asked, walking closer. On instinct, Snufkin stepped back, the cold winds hitting his back as he jumped, moving back into the cave. He was at a loss for words. “Snufkin are you alright?! I’ve been worried! You...just vanished.”

Snufkin’s mind flashed back to that day. The tears he had shed, the shattering of his heart, the voices in his mind started again. He looked down to the wood on the floor, bending down to pick them up. 

“I know.” He said flatly. After all of his worrying about what to say around Moomin. What he would feel. Right now, all he could feel was-resentment. Anger. Hurt.

“Snufkin…”Moomin’s voice had a tinge of sadness in it, he knew something was wrong. Snufkin walked past him and set up the woodpile stock. “Snufkin look, I need to talk to you. You’re the only one I can talk to about-”

“Snorkmaiden.” Snufkin said flatly, a sound of sharpness in his voice. “I know, Moomin. I  _ have  _ known.”

“...What?” Moomin stepped closer, his voice getting slower with confusion. “You knew..about..what?”

“Don’t even act like you don’t know, Moomintroll.” Snufkin said, his back still turned to the moomin. “I knew about the whole thing. You and Snorkmaiden were planning to court in the Spring, and then marry by the end of next year.”

“Snufkin, no. It was all-” Moomin stopped mid sentence. Snufkin’s response hit him hard. “Wait wait wait.. you  _ KNEW?!  _ And you didn’t  _ TELL ME?!” _

Snufkin stopped,looking over his shoulder to Moomin. Moomin had rarely, if ever- raised his voice at him. For Snufkin, it was uncalled for. Snufkin stood, turning around to face Moomin, eyebrows furrowed. “What are you talking about?! You didn’t tell  _ ME!  _ I had to hear it from Snorkmaiden! I thought you of all people would have been the one to tell me you were getting married!” His voice shook as he tried hard not to raise his voice.

“I didn’t even KNOW! It was all some plan Snorkmaiden and my parents made behind my BACK! If YOU knew, why didn’t you come and  _ TELL  _ me!” The same anger he had a week ago was coming back.

“What was I supposed to say, Moomintroll?! ‘Oh hey Moomin. I heard Snorkmaiden saying you were getting married, even though she told Little My not to say anything since you didn’t want word getting out. It's not true is it?’ How would THAT sound?!” 

“You even KNEW she told Little My AND YOU STILL DIDN’T TELL ME?!” Moomin was ready to explode.

“Even if I DID tell you, I know you Moomin- you would’ve gone through with it. You can never say no.”

Moomin’s paws balled at his sides as he shook in anger, tears forming in his eyes. “You- you still could’ve said something! You didn’t have to leave for two months!”

“Well what made you decide to come and look for me after TWO MONTHS?! I thought YOU would come looking the day I left!” The lump in Snufkin’s throat returned. He didn’t even feel in control of himself anymore. 

“I JUST found out about this whole plan, and I had nobody else to turn to. I-I wanted to find you. I need you Snufkin. I’ve  _ needed _ you.” Moomin wiped tears from his eyes. “You..just left without saying anything. Do you know how much that hurt?”

Snufkin glared at Moomin. “I couldn’t stay in the valley thinking you were going to start courting Snorkmaiden. I had to leave.”

“But Snufkin, you could’ve TALKED to me. We tell each other everything!” Moomin felt anger once again. “Why Snufkin...Why did it bother you so much you had to leave?!”

“I…” Snufkin turned his back to Moomin, looking at the cave wall. “I..just had to.” The wind was whipping harder outside. Snufkin couldn’t tell him how he felt. He was too blinded by his emotions and knew the feelings weren’t reciprocated. 

“So you can’t even tell me?! Why are you hiding things from me Snufkin? I thought we were best friends! Best friends don’t hide things from each other!”

“Moomin. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Snufkin you…” Moomin’s voice was cracking. “First you don’t tell me about hearing what Snorkmaiden said, THEN you leave without so much as a goodbye, THEN you stay away for two months, and NOW you can’t even tell me what’s wrong?!”

Snufkin whipped back to Moomin, his eyes bloodshot. “How could I Moomin?! I hear my best friend is going to start courting and get married, and THEN he was going to leave the valley. How COULD I talk to you about it? What if it had been true? What was I supposed to do? Live in the valley with the fear of losing you? Knowing I had overheard it and not hear it from you? What did you WANT me to do? I HAD to get out of the valley for a while.” Snufkin’s voice raised, stepping towards Moomin, who stood his ground glaring at the murmik. “And what about YOU? YOU didn’t leave the valley to look for me until you had nobody else?! If YOU left the valley without saying anything I would’ve come looking for you as SOON as I knew you were gone. How can I even help this Moomin? Like I said, you can’t say no. Most likely you’re going to give in and marry Snorkmaiden.”

“But I DON’T want to marry Snorkmaiden. I want to-” Moomin stopped. He couldn’t admit it. Not now. “Look, just forget it Snufkin! I didn’t come all this way to find you and fight!”

“You just came to find me when it suited you. If you hadn’t found out, you’d probably still be in the valley, and I’d still be on my way back worrying how to face you again.” Snufkin turned away again. “Just...forget it Moomin. Go.”

“Snufkin…”Moomin started, his heart breaking. Snufkin kept quiet, his back turned to Moomin. Moomin glared at him “FINE!” He yelled. “You want me to go? I WILL!” He stormed to the cave entrance, stopping to look over his shoulder with a glare colder than the snow. “I don’t care if you ever come back to the valley! Stay away for all I care!” With that, Moomin stormed out into the cold mountains. Snufkin glared over his shoulder, scoffing as he went back to check on his supplies.

\---

Moomin walked further from the cave, not caring what direction he was going. He was angry. He had left the valley to look for Snufkin in a time of need, just to find out Snufkin knew all this time? Snorkmaiden and his parents knowing and plotting was one thing, but his best friend, the one he felt he could turn to and rely on, betrayed him by not telling him as soon as he found out. That made Moomin’s heart crumble. He looked back to the cave, letting out a scoff as he kept walking away. Part of him wanted to go back and tell Snufkin how he felt, and how much he missed him. But he couldn’t now. Moomin ignored the cold around him as he kept walking, shielding his face from the blowing snow. He wasn’t sure where he was going to camp tonight, but the further away from Snufkin and the valley, the better. Perhaps he’d start a new life somewhere else, write letters back home. He just wanted to get away from everything and everyone. He shivered, it suddenly felt colder a  _ lot  _ colder.

Through Moomin’s shielded face, he saw a figure in the distance. Who would be foolish enough to be out in the snowstorm. Well, besides him. The figure moved closer. Moomin gulped. The Groke? No. She was in the Lonely Mountains in the valley.

Moomin soon realized, his eyes widening as he stepped back, blood running cold. It was The Lady Of The Cold. He was looking right at the Lady Of The Cold.

And she saw Moomin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is longer than most of the chapters, but I didn't want to split this into two chapters. Also hooray, the angst! Hopefully there will be only at most two more chapters before the end (still trying to plan out the last couple chapters) 
> 
> Buckle up


	11. Chapter 11

Moomin ran as fast as he could, his lungs hurting from all the hard breathing he was doing. The Lady of The Cold pursued behind him, letting out her piercing screeches when someone looked at her. He had barely seen what she looked like, but he wasn’t about to loko over his shoulder to get a glimpse or see how close she was. Ever since he was a child, his parents told him stories of the mystic woman, how she brought the cold and snow through the valley throughout winter while the family was safe in the warm house sleeping. Stories of how she would freeze any unfortunate soul who stumbled across her and looked upon her. He had heard stories from Mr. Hemulen about how he caught glimpses of her while he was out harvesting winter plants, but he was far away enough for her not to notice, and he could barely describe what she looked like from the distance. All he could say was she appeared to be a tall and elegant creature. The closer one got, the colder they felt.

Moomin didn’t know if it was true how one would be frozen to death by her, but he wasn’t about to stay around to find out. He almost tripped a few times in the mountain’s paths, but his adrenaline was so high he just picked himself up and kept running like nothing had happened. He regretted even leaving the valley now! First he fights with Snufkin, essentially telling his best friend he never wanted to see him again and to never come back to the valley, and now he was running for his life from a mythical being that was hot on his trail. Tears streamed down as Moomin feared for his life. He shouldn’t have left the cave. He should’ve listened to Snufkin. He didn’t even know where the cave was now. Even if he did, he’d have to stay away. As hurt as he was by Snufkin ‘s words and actions, and even after what Moomin said to him- he cared too much about the vagabond to put him in harm’s way.

All he could get out of his lungs now was a scream of fear, hoping someone would hear. But, out in the mountains, who could help him?

\---

Snufkin was in the cave, stewing over his fight with Moomin. He had been looking into the crackling fire for what felt like hours now, the scene from earlier still flashing in his head. Snufkin wiped his eye with a paw. As bitter as he felt, he regretted what he had said to Moomin. If he hadn’t been so selfish, perhaps Moomin would still be here, talking out things like they usually did. But no, Snufkin  _ had  _ to blow up at him, realizing that he should’ve gone to Moomin two months ago and ask about it. Was this what that reading was talking about? He thought back to the reading before he left. “ There will come a change upon life, but you may learn about it through a miscommunication and will misinterpret it. This will bring up repressed feelings for you, bringing confusion and fear…” He said to himself, remembering word for word what he had interpreted the cards to say.

He groaned and put his face in his paws. Was  _ that  _ the misinterpretation? He felt like such an idiot. He  _ knew  _ Moomin would’ve told him all of that if it was true- but as the cards said, his feelings for Moomin he tried to repress were brought out, putting him in fear...Of course.He dropped his paws from his face and continued to look into the fire, sighing. “I’m such an idiot…” He said to himself quietly. All the anger he felt to Moomin was gone. This was  _ his _ fault, not Moomin’s. Snufkin couldn’t even find something at this point to make it Moomin’s fault. What was worse, was he still felt  _ hurt,  _ even if Moomin hadn’t known about the courtship. Or was Moomin just saying he didn’t know? No- Moomin wouldn’t do something like that. Snufkin thought of Moomin as the most honest being he had ever met. But, Moomin  _ did  _ not start to look for Snufkin until he seemed to absolutely need him. What kept him? No, Snufkin couldn’t start to blame Moomin. Moomin knew Snufkin needed space, he made that clear. But...two months? That wasn’t like Moomin at all. And Snufkin  _ had  _ left without a word, which should’ve set something off in Moomin that told him something was off- There he went again! Blaming Moomin for his actions. Snufkin didn’t want to, but what had happened still hurt him, their fight hurt, all he felt was hurt. “Oh dear oh dear…” He said quietly. 

As he was blaming himself, Moomin’s words echoed in his head.

_ “You didn’t have to leave for two months!!” “you KNEW?!” “I need you Snufkin. I’ve needed you.” “I don’t care if you ever come back to the valley! Stay away for all I care!” _

Those last words pierced Snufkin’s heart. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. The voices he heard for the past two months were now replaced by his and Moomin’s fight echoing in his mind. He silently begged for the voices to stop, just this once. He could hear something outside- a shrill screech, but it was drowned out by the voices now booming in his head.

The voices were cut off by a scream that rang out through the wind outside. Snufkin’s eyes shot open as his paws flew from his ears. It seemed far off, but he knew exactly who it was.

“Moomin!”

Snufkin started to get up, but the voices came back, stopping him. Moomin wouldn’t want to see him after what he had said, and he wasn’t sure if he could face his best friend now. But, he could be injured, a wild animal could’ve gotten him, or something much worse. Snufkin continued to hesitate, looking out from the cave into the blowing snow and whipping winds. His paw brushed over his tunic, feeling a small bump. Snufkin reached under it and looked at the crystal he wore. 

“Listen to your heart…” Snufkin said quietly to himself. He blinked back a tear as he looked back to the exit.

\---

Moomin did everything he could to slow down the pursuer or throw her off of his trail. He made sharp turns, went through splitting paths, anything and everything he could do to get away. But it seemed useless. The Lady of The Cold was still in pursuit of her potential victim. Anyone who looked upon her would face a punishment, and she was now set on claiming a victim tonight. It didn’t have to be this poor moomin, but somebody was going to pay for his actions. The critters that were safely nestled in their homes shivered as she passed every tree, every crevice, everywhere critters slept. They, unlike Moomin, were all safe in their homes. As far as Moomin knew, he was the only creature out in the open, and The Lady of The Cold was going to get him one way or another-she had a few tricks in mind.

Moomin turned a different direction, squeezed through a crevice that developed into a larger opening, and kept quiet, keeping his panting breaths as silent as he could. His heart pounded and sweat dripped down. Outside the crevice he could hear another screech from the mythical lady, shivering as he felt her approach. He had completely forgotten about being cold- his blood had been pumping so hard his body was almost hot. Through the crevice he could see the Lady stop right outside, then continue on the path looking for him. He was safe...for now.

Moomin sank down and cried, terrified of what was going to happen to him. How long was he going to have to hide until The Lady of The Cold gave up? Would she even give up? What if Snufkin came across her? Or, was he even looking for Moomin? Moomintroll sighed- he doubted Snufkin would even want to see him after what he said. At this point, he wasn’t even angry at Snufkin. He was so terrified of his situation he couldn’t even be bothered to feel anger. He forgot about his anger towards Snorkmaiden and his parents, he forgot about being angry at Snufkin, he pretty much forgot every emotion except fear. All he wanted to do right now was make it out alive. He thought about squeezing back through the crevice and making it back to the cave. But, what if The Lady of The Cold were to pass by? She’d remember Moomin looking at her and come for both him and Snufkin. He didn’t want to wait until morning, though. The space he was in was a little cramped and cold. He was too afraid to try and sleep, as she could come back at any minute and spot him. He didn’t know what to do with himself.

Through the wind, he could hear a voice in the distance.

“Mooo-miiin!”

“Snufkin…?” Moomin knew that voice anywhere. Was Snufkin looking for him? In this weather? This late at night? Moomin gulped. That meant Snufkin was in danger, but then again, Snufkin was a smart guy. But...Moomin couldn’t just leave him out there. He wanted to find him and tell Snufkin how sorry he was just in case one (or both) of them met an untimely fate that night, in the middle of the mountains miles away from the valley, where it was likely nobody would find them for days. No, he had to think more positively. Perhaps between the two of them, they could fend her off or find a way to survive and get out of there. And if Snufkin was out looking for him, perhaps he was feeling bad too. 

Moomin squeezed back out of the crevice and called out, his voice echoing through the mountains, matching the winds. “Snufkin? Snuuuf-kiiin!” He paused, trying to hear a voice call back. The night time and the blizzard made it hard to see, so Moomin would have to rely on sound.

“Moo-miin!!” There. Moomin turned his head to the voice, shielding his eyes with his arm to block the snow from getting in his view. He trudged through, shivering as he called out again. 

“Snuuf-kiin!” Echos.

“Moo-miin!!” The voice was getting louder. Moomin walked faster, tripping a couple times through the snow and hidden rocks in the path. If he squinted, he could see a figure in the distance that looked like his best friend.

“Snufkin! Snuff-kiin!” Moomin called, sure it was Snukin. But as he got closer, something in the back of his mind was telling him something was wrong. Moomin ignored it and trudged through to get to his friend. The figure was getting more clear as he walked. He didn’t know which way the cave was, but once he met up with Snufkin, they could find their way back together. But, something  _ did  _ seem off. The closer Moomin got, the harder the snow seemed to fall and the colder it felt. Moomin tested it by taking a couple steps back from the figure. Even though it was still cold, it seemed to warm up by a couple degrees. How strange. He heard the voice again.

“Moo-miin!” It sounded  _ so  _ much like Snufkin- it  _ was  _ Snufkin’s voice, but the doubt in Moomin’s mind was now practically screaming to get out of there. He blinked back a few snowflakes that fell in his vision, seeing the Snufkin- like figure get closer, as well as the increasing cold. His eyes widened in terror as he finally realized what was happening, the figure started to become more clear. It wasn’t Snufkin. The Lady of The Cold! She had been able to mimic Snufkin to lure Moomin out. But the only way she could know what he sounded like and looked like was…

No…

“What did you do with Snufkin?!” Moomin screamed at the woman, fighting back tears as he stepped back. The worst thoughts were coming to his mind now. Of course, she said nothing as she let out another piercing scream. Moomin fell back, cowering in fear as she slowly approached. He squeezed his eyes shut, awaiting his fate. Soon he would be frozen. He’d probably become buried in snow and go unfound until the warm Spring weather melted the snow and his body was come across. He felt terrible that he’d never be able to apologize to Snorkmaiden or his parents for how he blew up at them. He’d never see his friends in the valley again. He’d never be able to hug his parents. He’d...never see Snufkin again. He wouldn’t be able to tell Snufkin how sorry he was and exactly how he felt. He’d never get to hear Snufkin’s songs or hear his stories. He’d never be able to know happiness again.

She seemed to be taking her time. Moomin opened an eye to see what was taking her so long to freeze him. His eyes shot open and widened as he saw something standing between him and the Lady Of the Cold. Or more, someone.

“...Snufkin?” It was indeed the real Snufkin. He stood with his back to Moomin, arms at his sides and scarf blowing and flapping in the wind as he stared down the Lady of The Cold, blocking Moomin from her wrath. “Snufkin what are you doing?!” Moomin pleaded. “Get out of the way! Look away! Please!!!”

Snufkin said nothing as he gulped. He was afraid, sure. But, he already accepted what was going to happen to him. The Lady of The Cold was only a couple feet away from her new victim. Snufkin looked over his shoulder to Moomin without saying a word .Moomin could see the fear in his expression, and he also seemed to have a look that said ‘I’m sorry’. He didn’t have to say anything, Moomin already knew what he was about to do. Snufkin looked at him for another moment before closing his eyes, turning his head back to The Lady of The Cold. 

Snufkin wanted the last thing he saw to be Moomin, even if Moomintroll looked terrified. He didn’t want to be the last thing he’d see to be the woman about to take his life. He wanted his last thing he saw to be Moomin, his last thought about how Moomin would be spared. A tear went down his cheek, but it never got the chance to fall. That was the first thing to freeze, as she was now inches from Snufkin. He could feel his body getting colder, starting to lose feeling slowly.

“SNUFKIN!!!” Moomin screamed, covering his ears as she let out one more ear-piercing screech, echoing through the now gale force winds as Moomin was blinded by the snow swirling around them. He covered his face with his arm, screaming out one more time, wanting this all to be a nightmare.

“SNUUUFFF-KIIIN!!!”

Silence.

\---

Moomin wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it was still dark out. At least, he thought so. He felt heavy and cold, realizing he had been buried in snow. He dug himself out and shook off the snow and water from his fur, shivering. It was indeed dark outside, and the snow seemed to let up, now returning to just gently falling flakes, the wind at a standstill. Had this all been a dream? Was he still on the mountainside where he had sat down to rest? He felt his neck- no scarf. He looked around. He wasn’t sure where he was, but he definitely wasn’t where he had sat to rest. 

In the darkness, he saw something in the snow beside him. He blinked a few times to get his vision back from being under so much snow and adjusting to the darkness. What he saw made him take in a breah, blood running cold as he felt himself go numb. 

Snufkin.

“SNUFKIN!” Moomin yelled, dropping to his knees beside his friend. Snufkin was still. His eyes were closed and his skin looked to have a tinge of blue, lips replaced with a blue-ish hue rather than his normal pink. Snowflakes dotted his face. He looked to be sleeping, but Moomin knew he wasn’t. “No no no no no!!” Moomin cried,hands grabbing at the sides of his head as he squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to be what he just saw to not be real. This had to be a nightmare! He wanted to wake up now. He was screaming in his head to wake up, but nothing happened. He knew he wasn’t sleeping- he was indeed awake. He feared the worst, denying his fears to be true as he hesitated. He took his paws from his head and dropped them to his sides. He had to know for sure. With shaking paws, he touched Snufkin’s face.

Cold. Ice cold.

Moomin grabbed Snufkin’s hand. His arm was stiff and his hand was just as cold as his face. Moomin withdrew with fear and moved back, hiccuping back sobs.

His worst fear was true...Snufkin had been frozen by the Lady Of the Cold…which meant...

“H-h-he’s….he’s dead…”


	12. Chapter 12

Moomin was not going to accept this. Snufkin could be warmed up, couldn’t he? There had to be a way! He-he couldn’t be dead. Moomin thought hard, remembering his mother’s stories. After his father would scare him with the tales of The Lady Of The Cold freezing one to death, his mother would give a happy ending, much like a fairy tale. She told him that if one was quick enough, they could bring the frozen one to a warm place like a fire. That could reverse the spell over them. Moomin didn’t have his pack on him. He had lost it somewhere on the mountain when he was running from her. In the distance he saw a faint glow. The cave! The fire was still going. Moomin just hoped he wasn’t too late. His mother never said how much time one had before the frozen slumber was permanent. But he had to still have time, he _ had _ to. He’d do anything to have Snufkin back. 

Moomin wasn’t sure how he was doing it, but he lifted Snufkin up carefully and carried him through the drifting snow towards the cave. Perhaps it was the adrenaline pumping in Moomin, perhaps it was the shock he was in- but he was able to carry his best friend with little trouble. Moomintroll could feel the air getting warmer as he got closer to the shelter, being careful with Snufkin as if he were handling a baby bird. He didn’t know how badly Snufkin was frozen, one false move and he could snap off a finger or arm. Moomintroll gulped, he didn’t even want to think about that. The whole trek back, he was puzzled- why had the Lady of The Cold spared him? Was she just tired of going after him and went with whoever got in her way? Had he been buried in the snow and she assumed he’d die anyways? He’d have to ask Mr. Hemulen about that. Or perhaps Pappa knew the answer. Or maybe Snufkin would know. That is, if he was still- No, he _ was _still alive! Moomin refused to accept anything else. He couldn’t be dead.

Moomin almost collapsed when he got back to the cave, but he gently put down Snufkin first, near the fire, before falling to the ground, panting. The adrenaline was wearing off, the shock was still over him, and everything that just happened was now hitting him. No time to ponder over it, and no time to rest. He had to get Snufkin warmed up! He propped him close to the fire, picking up his own discarded scarf and putting it around his frozen best friend. Somehow,Snufkin’s own scarf and hat stayed on during the whole ordeal. Moomin waited for a few minutes. He showed no signs of life. Moomin wringed his hands, looking at the fire. It was slowly starting to die down. No no no no no! Moomin ran to the firewood pile and grabbed as many logs as he could, throwing them one by one to get the fire started. It seemed to help, but it wasn’t burning fast enough. Moomin ran his hands through the fur on his head, looking around for anything to help it from not dying out.

Snufkin’s pack! He knew Snufkin was always ready for anything, so there had to be a matchbox or something in there! Moomin opened the pack, digging through it frantically. He started to take things out, no time to sift through things.He could easily just dump the entire thing out- but even in his frantic state, he still had respect for Snufkin’s belongings. Food, supplies, camping needs, a ruby amulet-wait. Wait. A ruby amulet? Moomin picked it back up and held it in his hands, the ruby shining so brightly he could see his own reflection. “Snufkin...kept this?” Moomin asked himself. He knew Snufkin wasn’t one for material things, and he hadn’t brought up the amulet the spring after he had gotten it. Moomin assumed he had sold it or he had lost it. Or perhaps it didn’t mean anything. But, it was kept in such fine condition. Moomin remembered that he had told Snufkin that the ruby was for protection and friendship, but he had been too shy to admit what the other reason he gave it was for-love. Moomin remembered how he had gone through the caves in the Lonely Mountains until he found the perfect ruby, and learned how to make it into an amulet just for Snufkin. He wished he had been able to tell him that winter. But he had been too afraid. Moomin started to wonder what else Snufkin kept that Moomin had gifted him. He remembered the crystal he had given to Snufkin as well.

Moomin shook his head. This was no time to reminisce! He needed to find what he was looking for! He took out a couple more items before finally finding the matchbox! His paws fumbling, it took him a few tries before he got a successful strike, getting the fire back to a steady size. He sat next to Snufkin, waiting for any sign. The snowflakes on his skin had melted, but the murmik’s skin was still a blue tinge. This wasn’t looking good. Moomin gulped, looking back to the pack. Perhaps there was something else in it. He brought the pack over and kept looking. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a journal lying next to the pack, with a flower sticking out. Shoot, Moomin should’ve been more careful. He picked up the journal to put the pressed flower back in. The page it was sticking out of, there was some writing on it- it was a journal, of course there’d be writing! As Moomin was about to close it back up, he saw his name on the page. He knew invading privacy by reading a journal wasn’t polite. But..one read couldn’t hurt. He looked at the date- the day he and Snufkin had made those flower crowns for one another.

_ I just spent another fantastic day with Moomintroll. We took a hike to the flower fields, and myself being foolish, I almost got us both killed trying to get a daffodil. Moomintroll, the kind soul, actually ran back up the slope to grab it for me. If only he knew why I needed it so badly. _

Moomin smiled at the memory. But wait, Snufkin needed it badly? Why? He continued to read.

_ The entire time I had been planning to make a special flower crown for him, each flower holding a special meaning- every feeling I could express for him with the current blossoms: _

_ Crocus for good cheer and happiness- a wish to be kind. _

_ Tulip for love _

_ Acacia for hidden love _

_ Arbutus for loving only him _

_ Honeysuckle for a bonded love _

_ While clover for a wish to be thought of by him _

_ Gerbera for Moomin being the sunshine in my life _

_ Iris for Wisdom, hope, and a promise of love _

_ Ivy for our friendship _

_ Japonica for a symbol of love and sincerity _

_ Narcissus for him to stay sweet _

_ Mallow for sweetness and the delicate beauty he is _

_ Daffodil for respect and sunshine, to say how bright the sun is when we are together _

_ ..And also the unrequited love I have for him. _

Moomin had to reread the meanings over again. Snufkin...loved him? No, that couldn’t be it. Perhaps it was just a more..platonic love. But why would Snufkin think it was unrequited? They were obviously best friends and Moomin was constantly showing how much he cared for the murmik. Unless.. Moomin kept reading.

_ The flower crown Moomin made for me was too lovely, so I decided to wear it until the flower started to wilt. After that, I pressed them all into the journal. _

That was true- Snufkin had worn the flower crown for a few days, and all the flowers from it were pressed in the journal. Moomin turned the page.

_ Another wonderful day with Moomintroll. When I make my winter travels, these are the days I look forward to- when I get to be with him. _

Moomin skimmed each page, every one of them was detailing the days they spent together- all the events they did and how much Snufkin adored him. His heart was beating faster and breaking at the same time- he never knew Snufkin had felt this way. He got to one particular page.

_ ...Moomin is getting married... _

His heart sank. He finally got to that page. The writing seemed shakier than the other pages.

_ I just overheard Snorkmaiden talking to Little My. According to her, she and Moomintroll will be courting in the Spring. And with “luck” (luck in her terms, not mine), they will be married by the end of next year. She also mentioned how they will be moving from the valley. She told Little My that Moomin wanted to keep it under wraps until the right time, and she advised her not to say anything. I...don’t know how to feel. My hands are numb just writing this. What is keeping me in the valley, my one reason to come back each year...I’m going to lose him. When he leaves the valley, I don’t know what I will do with myself. Will I leave the valley as well? I can’t just follow them- it will be a reminder of how I was too slow to tell him. How I will have to watch as the one I adore and love will be married to someone else. They probably wouldn’t want me along anyways. They’d probably want to be on their own, start a family, the typical things. _

_ But why...why didn’t he tell me? I thought I was the one he told everything to, as he is the only one I share everything with. Did he not want me to know? Was he going to wait until I left for the winter to start telling everyone, and tell me on the first day of Spring? No. He wouldn’t do that. I just cannot figure out why Moomin wouldn’t say something. Perhaps he doesn’t know. No, he must. Moominmamma and Moominpappa are aware of it- so why wouldn’t Moomin himself know? I..don’t know what to do anymore. _

Moomin looked over to Snufkin, who was still unmoving. He looked back to the journal.

_ I’ve decided to leave the valley. I don’t know for how long. I can’t bring myself to ask Moomintroll about this. If it’s true, then surely my worst fears will have been right. But if it’s wrong, I know it will just cause conflicts, and Snorkmaiden will talk him into going through with it. Moomintroll is a sweet fellow- he has trouble saying no, afraid he will hurt one’s feelings. That’s one of the things I love about him. But, I can’t stay in the valley knowing the one I’m in love with, my sunshine, my dove...could be married off. _

  
  


That’s why. That’s why he left...He was afraid of facing Moomin. Snufkin…

Snufkin had been in love with him.

Just as much as Moomintroll was in love with him. And now...Moomin was too late.Moomin’s paws shook, trying to keep the journal steady. He fumbled through the pages, stopping on the last entry. It was something Snufkin had written that day. Or perhaps, just a couple hours ago.

_ Moomintroll, _

_ With hope, you will be reading this. If you are, that means you’re still alive, and I may have perished defending you from the Lady of The Cold. After our fight, I felt so terrible for what I said. You were right. I should’ve talked to you before I left. But, and I’m assuming you read the other entries...you might already know why I was afraid to. I tried to say it as we fought, but the heat of the moment, my blind anger, kept me from admitting it. Perhaps now is a good time as any, since I may not get the chance to tell you in person: _

_ II have loved you for years now. Not just a platonic sort of love, but romantically in love with you. I’m not sure when it started, perhaps a couple years after we met, but the entries in this journal were correct- you are the only thing that brought me back to the valley year after year. You are the sunshine in my life, even when the weather is the gloomiest. Even at my lowest days, you were what brought me to smile. Every day I spent with you-from the moment I step into the valley on the first day of Spring, to the day we say goodbye as you go to hibernate and I go South right before Winter-I adored. It pained me to even think of you getting married to someone else. I was scared I’d lose you. Though I want nothing more than your happiness, I guess I was just wishing I’d be the one to bring you the most happiness. Though, I’m sure my feelings are unrequited. I guess I was just wishing on stars and new moons that couldn’t hear me. _

_ I wish I could’ve said all of this to you in person, but I guess I am better with written words than spoken. I also didn’t think you wanted to see me again after our fight. If you are reading this, I just wanted to say how sorry I am...for all of this. I left you without a word, I probably left you worrying for those two months. If you had blamed yourself, you were not at fault. I shouldn’t have left for so long either. I should have just taken a week or so to collect my thoughts and return to you. With all hope, you are reading this now. But if you weren’t, and may come across this later, or ever- I just wanted to say how sorry I was and how much I loved you. You are my sunshine, my dove, my one and only. I wish you happiness. One day we may meet again. _

_ Love, Snufkin _

Moomin dropped the journal, vision blurred with tears as he embraced Snufkin’s body, sobbing into it. Reality was hitting him harder than he ever felt. He had to accept it. He’d...never see Snufkin again. He wouldn’t be able to tell Snufkin how sorry he was and exactly how he felt. He’d never get to hear Snufkin’s songs or hear his stories. He’d never be able to know happiness again. Moomn felt numb.

“I’m...I’m sorry Snufkin.” He managed to choke out between his sobs. “I’m so, so sorry. I..I didn’t know you...f-felt this way.” He looked at his best friend’s face, tears streaming down. “I should’ve told...told you years ago. I should-should’ve t-told you everything. And-and now I’m..too late.” He sniffled. Snufkin was still showing no sign of life. There was so much he wanted to say, but he couldn’t muster the strength to say it. It was no use anyways. He held Snufkin’s body close to his, barely getting out a whisper. One last confession, even if it was pointless.

“I..love you Snufkin. I’ve been in love with you for years.” He managed to get out.

Perhaps it was the fire’s warmth, perhaps it was the warmth of Moomin’s fur and body heat, or perhaps it was his confession and the warmth of his heart. Moomin wasn’t sure what it was. But he felt the slightest movement. He brushed it off as his mind playing tricks on him, or just his imagination. That was, until he heard a strained, soft whisper. It was weak, but Moomin could hear it clearly.

“...Moo...min…”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoorah! He lives! (just so everyone knows I had this part planned- he wasnt going to stay dead, that would be just awful! He was dead technically but hooray for Moomin being the marshmallow he is. I plan for maybe 1-2 more chapters. (or 1 chapter and an epilogue?)


	13. Chapter 13

“S-Snufkin…?” Moomin blinked, shifting to look at Snufkin’s face. This couldn’t be happening. Snufkin was dead...wasn’t he? He had been frozen. But indeed, Snufkin’s skin was starting to lose the blue hue it had, his eyes barely open. As soon as Moomin had shifted, moving Snufkin away from him by just a couple inches, Snufkin pressed himself back into Moomin’s fur, trying to get warm. Moomin could feel the vagabond’s heartbeat. It was weak, but it was indeed alive. His body was no longer ice cold, slowly getting warmth back through it. Moomin hugged Snufkin tighter, trembling. Even if it was some hallucination or just a dream, he was going to take whatever he could get. He felt Snufkin’s hand brush his cheek. The touch was cold, but there was a hint of warmth. “Snufkin…” That was all Moomin found himself saying in his disbelief, taking Snufkin’s hand.

“Moomin…” Snufkin’s voice was weak and muffled from the fur, but it was  _ his  _ voice. The voice that made Moomin’s heart race whenever he heard it. The voice that he had fallen in love with, that went with the murmik he loved. He was indeed alive. “Moomin...I..Im sorry…” Snufkin whispered. There was a lot he wanted to say at that moment, but he was too cold and his body was trying to thaw. In the back of his mind, he wasn’t sure himself how he was alive. The last thing he remembered was seeing Moomin’s face before closing his eyes to await his fate. He remembered the icy touch of The Lady Of The Cold, how his body started to get colder and number by each second. Perhaps he had fainted? He wasn’t quite sure. The last thing he had heard before freezing was hearing Moomin scream his name in fear. Then, nothing. If it were up to him, he would have preferred staying dead, but judging from how there were in the cave now, with a roaring fire, and Moomin holding the murmiks body to his fur- Moomin wasn’t going to let that happen.

Moomin reached over to the pack and unfolded Snufkin’s blanket, putting it around him as Snufkin sat up more, looking away from Moomin and into the fire. They both didn’t know what to say, unsure if they should speak first or let the other say something. Snufkin glanced to the journal on the floor. “You..read it..” He said quietly, his words coming out slow as he shivered, pulling the blanket tighter around himself “I.. guess that means you-”

“Snufkin I didn’t know…” Moomin cut in. “I..read a lot of the pages. If I had known how you felt, or if I had gotten the courage to tell you sooner I..” He wiped his eyes as he hugged Snufkin again. “I’m sorry I put you through that. Through the two months you were gone, through our fight, through being frozen. I...I’m sorry.” He was trying so hard to put on a brave face, but Moomin was mainly confused and full of emotions. He went from being excited to see his best friend again, to upset and angry at him, then running terrified for his life, witnessing his best friend give his life for him, finding his frozen body and carrying it back to safety, reading Snufkin’s journal and his letter...Moomin was almost in hysterics at this point.

“Moomin…” Snufkin could sense Moomin’s mind was racing with all the events that happened, putting the blanket around his best friend, and resting his forehead onto his. “Like the journal said, you...weren’t to blame in any of this… You were right, I was selfish.” He looked down at his feet. “I should’ve come to you first as soon as I heard what I did. It wasn’t right to leave you.” He took Moomin’s paw into his own. “I was just scared. All the feelings I was hiding from you came up and...I was terrified of losing you.”

“Snufkin, even if I liked Snorkmaiden and we had courted or married, I would never leave you behind.” He intertwined his fingers with Snufkin’s. “You’d be the first one I tell, and I’d offer for you to come with us- though I know I could never leave the valley. My family is there, all my friends are there…” He unlocked their fingers to touch Snufkin’s cheek, bringing their eyes to meet. “You are there.”

Snufkin gulped as he touched Moomin’s hand, fighting back tears. “I can’t live without you, my dove. As I had written to you, you are the light of my life and the only reason I come back to the valley every year. If you weren’t there, I’d have no reason to stay.” The sparkle was returning to Snufkin’s brown eyes as he looked at Moomin’s blue eyes. “I meant what I wrote, Moomintroll...Every word.” He gulped again, finding the courage to finally say it aloud. “I love you.” A small smile came over his face, leaning up to kiss Moomin’s forehead. 

Moomin’s cheeks flushed pink as his heart started to race. “Snufkin I… I love you too.” He gently cupped Snufkin’s cheeks in his paws. Snufkin knew what was going to come next- a moment he had been wanting for so long, but wasn’t quite sure how it would happen-if it was ever to happen. His heart raced as their faces got closer. 

The adjusting was a little awkward, but finally, Moomin and Snufkin’s lips met into a kiss, the murmik putting a hand on Moomintroll’s shoulder to keep balance. Time felt like it stood still as they shared their first kiss, both wanting it to last forever. Snufkin’s body felt like it was warming up faster with each second the kiss lasted. They gently broke away after a few moments. All they could do was smile at each other and rest their foreheads together. They didn’t have to say anything more. Not right now

\---

“So then the cards told me to listen to my heart.” Snufkin explained, pouring himself another cup of tea, the blanket draped over his and Moomin’s shoulders. “I didn’t know what that meant, as it was telling me a lot of things.” He gently blew on the tea before taking a sip. “But then I remembered this,” He reached into his tunic and pulled out the crystal. Moomin’s eyes sparkled.

“The crystal I gave you! You...kept it?”

“Of course, I always wear it.” Snufkin smiled. “I did a pendulum reading on it, asking if I should come back. It signaled I should, so I started making my way right back to the valley.” He put his paw onto Moomin’s paw. “Back to you.”

Moomin shyly smiled as he took another drink. “It was strange to be so far from home on my own, but it was worth it.” He looked out to the cave opening. It was still pitch black out and the snow was gently falling, almost coming to an end by now. “I just couldn’t stay in the valley for too much longer. But, I know I have to go back at some point.”

“Well, perhaps we can explore for a couple more days, then go back together, my dove.” Snufkin kissed his forehead. “Oh uhm..I should’ve asked if that nickname is alright with you. It’s just doves are white and symbol of love and-”

“Snuf.” Moomin smiled, putting a hand to the vagabond’s lips. “I love it, if you don’t mind me calling you Snuf.”

“But you’ve called me that for a couple years now.”

“I know, but I guess I never asked if you liked it.” The two laughed. Moomin looked at Snufkin’s pack, remembering his own was somewhere out in the mountains. “My pack… I really hope it isn’t lost. There’s some pretty special stuff in it.”

“Ah, don’t worry Moomin. I saw it when I was looking for you earlier.” Snufkin put his tea down, standing up. “I’ll be right back. I remember where it is.” Before he could leave, Moomin grabbed his arm, a look of worry on his face.

“P-please don’t go out there.” Moomin pleaded. “It’s okay! I can find it later, or it can wait until morning! Just please..don’t…” He stood, hugging Snufkin, sniffling.

“Moomin? My dove, why are you…” Snufkin realized why Moomin was afraid, gently hugging him and petting his fur. “Shh… I’m sure she’s gone now. I’ll be alright.”

“But...what if she’s still out there or...Or something happens?”

Snufkin thought for a minute. “Well, if you insist, and you’re sure you  _ really _ don’t need your pack.”

“No Snufkin, I’m positive- it can wait.” Moomin smiled, kissing his forehead. Snufkin could see Moomin’s eye looking heavy as he let out a yawn.

“We should get some rest, Moomin. We’ve both been through a lot today. We’ll need our energy for tomorrow.” Snufkin started to roll out his sleeping bag, thinking for a moment before unipping it fully and laying it out like a sheet. Moomin laid down next to Snufkin, falling asleep almost immediately. Snufkin smiled as he found himself just looking at Moomin. This was all real- he had told Moomin he loved him, and Moomin loved him back. They shared their first kiss...everything seemed so right. Maybe he truly was dead and this was some sort of afterlife where everything he wanted was there. If this was true, he should have the power to control it. He closed his eyes, imagining it was morning, and that Moomin and him were back in Moominhouse in Moomin’s room. If this was truly the afterlife, he’d open his eyes and be there.

He didn’t plan on falling asleep. 

\---

Moomin’s eyes peeked open, the first thing he saw was sunlight bouncing off the snow and reflecting into his eyes. He let out a small groan and squeezed his eyes shut. He darted them open when he realized it was morning. Had that all been a dream? Moomin glanced to the fire, which had been long out by now. Moomin started to worry- did he hallucinate the whole thing in some strange phase of denial? He didn’t see Snufkin’s frozen body near the fire. His heart started to race until he felt something pressed against his back. He shifted over to see, sighing in relief. Snufkin. It wasn’t a dream after all- Snufkin had really survived, and everything that happened last night had happened. Moomin turned over to look at his best friend’s face, studying it as he gently brushed his bangs from his face. Snufkin let out a small sound at the touch as his eyes started to open, smiling at Moomintroll. “It was real after all…” Snufkin quietly said.

“What?”

“Nothing my dove.” Snufkin kissed his forehead. Snufkin was happy this wasn’t an afterlife. If it had been he would’ve opened his eyes to be in a Moominvalley where Winter never came so he could be with his Moomintroll, safe in Moomin’s bed as the sunlight peeked in. But, here they were in a cave with the snow-covered world waiting for them. He sat up, looking outside. “I slept in longer than I usually do.”

Moomin sat up and smiled at him. “Nothing wrong with that. You needed to stay warm after all.” Moomin looked down quietly. “Snufkin? Did you...I mean, do you remember anything after being frozen? Like, did you actually die?”

Snufkin looked at the burned logs, avoiding having to look at him. “I’m not sure, Moomin. The last thing I remember was you yelling my name in fear… then things just got quiet and dark. I know they say when you die, you see a light. But, I don’t remember seeing anything. It just felt like I had fallen asleep without dreaming. But, i heard a faint voice the entire time.” He glanced over to Moomin. “Sounded a lot like yours.”

Moomin nodded, “I.. was just scared. I confessed a lot, even though I thought…”

Snufkin put a paw on Moomin’s paw. “It’s alright Moomin. We’re both okay now.” He smiled, giving the paw a small squeeze. “I couldn’t ask for anything different.” Moomin looked at him and smiled lightly.

“Right..right.”

Snufkin stood, holding a paw out for Moomin. “So, should we get outside now and look for your pack? I’m curious to find out what’s in it. Perhaps we can start going back to the valley too. We’re only a couple days away.” He glanced up to the cave’s entrance. “Or we don’t have to go back right away. Just so you’re back in time to hibernate.”

Hibernating… Moomin knew what that meant. He hesitated, but eventually took Snufkin’s paw and stood. “Should we clean up the campsite first?”

“Of course.”

\---

A couple nights later, the two were halfway back to Moominvalley, deciding that since Winter was fast approaching, they both had been away for long enough and made the journey back, promising each other a true journey next year, probably in the Spring or Summer, when the weather was nicer. The two were lying on their backs, looking at the stars before turning in for the night.

“Do you think my parents are going to be angry with me?” Moomin asked, his hand in Snufkin’s.

“Nah, they’ll be too happy to see you to even think about being angry.”

“But I left without saying anything. All I left was a note. Before that I hadn’t even talked to them for a few days.”

“I know, Moomin.” Snufkin responded, his eyes still on the stars. “But they should know you’re old enough to be on your own. And what they did wasn’t alright. To me, you had every right to leave.”

“But...perhaps I should’ve talked to them first.”

“But then we wouldn’t be where we are now. You wouldn’t of left, so we wouldn’t have run into one another, which means we wouldn’t have told each other how we really felt.”

“Right…So maybe this was the best thing to do. Like I told you, they probably would’ve just talked me into going through with it.” Moomin turned on his side. “I wonder how they’re going to react to...well, us.”

“Now Moomin,” Snufkin said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Your parents were okay with you and I being best friends. How is this any different?”

“Because Snufkin, my parents might think that two guys can’t be in a relationship. You know..a dating one.”

Snifkin smirked. “Now, who said anything about us dating?” He said teasingly. “I don’t remember being asked.”

Moomin looked over, cheeks pink. “Well I- I guess I just thought after..uh-”

Snufkin laughed, kissing his forehead. “My dove, I’m only kidding. We just never made it..official I guess.” He smiled, looking back at the sky. “I’d be more than happy to call you my boyfriend, if that’s alright.”

Moomin sat up, almost knocking Snufkin over in a hug. “Of course, Snuf! Why wouldn’t I?”

The two smiled as they settled into the tent for the night, talking about how they would tell everyone, and what to do if they didn’t get the reactions they hoped for. There was something else on Moomin’s mind he wanted to ask Snufkin. But, not right now. Wasn’t the time. It could wait.

\---

When the two finally made it back to Moominvalley, they could barely get a word in before being embraced by Moominmamma, questions about where they had been, if they were okay, and tending to the cold Snufkin had started to develop. She was far from angry that her son had left, she was just thrilled they were both alive and had found one another- and that they had come home. Pappa was also pleased, wanting to hear all of their stories about where they had been and what had happened. Snufkin and Moomin decided to leave out the part about their fight, the Lady Of the Cold, and what happened afterwards, at least for now. Those stories could wait until the Spring. By the end of the week, the Moomin family would be in hibernation. The adults had put off their slumber to wait for the boys to come back, agreeing that by a certain day, they would just have to hibernate with or without their son being home. Little My, even if she didn’t show it, was also happy to have the two home. She and Mamma could sense something different about the two, but weren’t going to pry...at least Mamma wasn’t going to. 

That night they had a big dinner to celebrate their return and to have one last big meal before hibernation. After the dishes had been cleared, Snufkin excused himself from the festivities and went outside. Moomin waited for a while before following him out, giving Mamma a look to keep Little My from following and interrupting. To his relief, Snufkin was sitting on the bridge, playing a familiar tune on his harmonica as snow gently fell, the steam that flowed under the bridge was now iced over. Moomin hesitated, but walked over and sat next to Snufkin. Snufkin knew he was there, but continued to play for a bit longer. After he was done, the two just sat there silently for a few more minutes. 

“So…” Moomin said finally. “It’s winter now…”

“Yes it is.”

“And I’ll be hibernating in a couple of days.”

“True.”

“Which means… you’ll be leaving again…”

“Moomin…”

“I know Snufkin, I know. You have to leave every winter. And I know you’ll be back in the spring. I know I should be used to it but...It’s been on my mind for a few days now but I was scared to mention it- I mean you were already gone for most of the Autumn.I was just hoping-”

Snufkin took his paw into his. “Moomintroll. I’ve been thinking about it too. Perhaps you’re right. I have been gone for too long, and coming back to just turn around and leave doesn’t make much sense.” He smiled, looking into Moomin’s blue eyes. “I think this year I’ll be staying in the valley.”

“Really?!”

“Sure. I haven’t hibernated before, but it wouldn’t hurt to try it. Though I find sleeping for months on end could be hard.”

Moomin’s face started to hurt from the big smile he had. “Oh that’s okay Snufkin! If you don’t want to hibernate all winter, you can sneak out and do whatever you need in the morning, and come back at night! I mean, I know you don’t like the cold so I’m not sure what you could do, but I’m sure there’s plenty to do around the valley in the winter and-”

Snufkin smiled, putting a hand to Moomin’s lips. “My dove, all that matters to me is that we’d be together for the winter. You don’t think you parents will mind, do you?”

“Oh no no no! Not at all! If you’d like we can put you up in my room!” Moomin stood, grabbing Snufkin’s arm to pull him up and back to the house, eager to share the news. Snufkin laughed and took Moomin’s hand as they walked back up to Moominhouse.

\---

In the middle of winter, the cold winter air blew outside, snow coming down at a rapid rate. The cold was long overdue from the overly warm autumn before it and it was now coming at full force. Inside Moominhouse, Mamma and Pappa were asleep in their beds, their season clock pointed right in the middle of the winter season, set to go off in only another month and a half. LIttle My was nestled in her large bed with a few quilts over her so the top of her head was sticking out. Sniff was in his room, snoring away as he usually did. In Moomin’s room, Moomin was fast asleep in his bed, Snufkin’s arm draped over him as the murmik was fast asleep, face pressed into the moomin’s back. Even though they were asleep for it, they would both call this their favorite winter. Snufkin was finally back in the valley with Moomintroll. Come the Spring, they would tell everyone about their relationship. Moomin no longer had to worry about being forced into a courtship- he knew that he would get to decide when he would be courting.

On the nightstand next to the bed were two familiar photos- one of a young Moomintroll and his parents, and one from a couple years back- of Moomintroll and his now boyfriend Snufkin with flower crowns they had given one another. Now that Moomin knew what the flowers he had been given meant, the photo had a whole new meaning to it. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we finally have come to an end! I always hate to end fics, but I know they can't go on forever! But I already have a sequel fic in mind. Thank you to everyone for the comments, bookmarks, and kudos! This has become my most popular fic yet and I loved writing it and reading all the comments.
> 
> I also just realized there may have been a mistake in the chapter before this with Snufkin referencing the day with the flower crowns. I realized I had written it to have taken place a couple years prior, but I think I wrote it to have taken place that Spring. Oops ^^; 
> 
> For the next fic that follows up this one, there will be a little time skip- I havent decided on a couple months or perhaps a year or so- just a little elapse of time.


End file.
